Ep #155: Living with Purpose: Inside the Intentional Living Collective with Elise Bowerman

Mikki: Welcome to Co-Parenting with Confidence, a podcast for those courageous moms out there who want to move past the conflict and frustration of divorce and show up as the mom they truly want to be. My name is Mikki Gardner. I'm a certified life and conscious parenting coach with my own personal dose of co-parenting experience. Throughout my co-parenting journey, I have learned to become confident in who I am as a woman and a mother, and I'm here to help you do the same. If you're ready to learn, learn what it takes to become a great co parent and an amazing example to your children. Well, get ready and let's dive into today's episode.

Mikki: Welcome back to the podcast. I'm super excited because I get to have my very dear friend Elise Bowerman on today. Hi, Elise.

Elise: Hey, Mikki.

Mikki: Oh, my gosh. Thanks for coming. We're like, gabbing away before we hit record, so I thought we should hit record and see what happens. But I'm going to let Elise tell you, a little bit about her and let's start there and then we'll tell them about why we're here today.

Elise: Yeah, I'm excited to talk about why we're both here today. So thanks for having me, Mick. My name is Elise Bowerman and most people have known me as a perinatal yoga teacher for the past 15 years, and I'm really stepping into more of creating and bringing in other resources and inspiration and knowledge and wisdom that I've gained through the years, into the yoga practices and into my offerings, such as, like, motherhood, coaching and working with you, Miki, of women in group spaces to facilitate, you know, support, to revolutionize and to reclaim us, coming back together as sisters, as friends, as respectful neighbors, to be with each other and lean on each other and to, harness our intuition too. Say that in a nutshell. And I'm also. I have two kids. I have right now. my son is a freshman and my daughter is in seventh grade. And I've been married to my husband for 16 years.

Mikki: 16 years. Wow. Good for you. That's a long time.

Elise: One day at a time.

Mikki: One day at a time. Yeah, no, I hear you. Well, I'm so glad that you're here. And I mean, that was like such a short introduction. Thank you for sharing with us. Elise is just the most spectacular human. So I know you guys are going to start to hear that from, and I might be able little partial because I love you so dearly as a friend, but the reason that I wanted to have Elise on today is because one thing that we're both really passionate about and I think we've found kind of circled around each other for a long time. Our kids were in school together and then we sort of found our way to one another, but we're both really passionate about how do we really live a, good, beautiful, intentional life where we feel connected, happy and fulfilled, Especially in this world that only is getting busier and busier and trying to keep up with the Joneses and all of the things. And while Lisa and I have very sort of different looking paths, we're very similar in a lot of ways. And so last year we decided to create a retreat for moms that centers around intentional living. And we are doing our second cohort this year. And I thought, what a beautiful conversation to have with Elise here for you guys. Whether you're a single parent, whether you're co-parenting, whether you're separated, married, divorced, whatever, especially in these holiday seasons as parents, how do we really become more intentional and more grounded so that we can really enjoy our life? And so that's what we wanted to talk about today. Do you agree?

Elise: Agree. Couldn't have said it better myself. Thank you. Yes.

Mikki: Good. So before we hit record, we were like, what does ChatGPT have to say about intentional living? Right. Because when in doubt, I mean, not that we were in doubt, but you know, like, we both use it to like, look at what does it say, right? How can we broaden our perspective? And so we were Both like, wow, ChatGPT really hit it on the head. So do you want to share with them, Elise?

Elise: Yeah. Yeah. So our, buddy Chat said attention means consciously aligning your actions, decisions, and energy with your values, priorities, and desired outcomes. It's about being mindful of how you spend your time and focus, ensuring your choices reflect what truly matters to you. This approach fosters a sense of purpose, clarity, and fulfillment in daily life rather than being carried along by habits, distractions, or external pressures. And I just really loved that last line. Not being carried away by the habits, distractions, and external pressures. Because we all have those things. And when we're not consciously thinking about what we're doing and why we're doing it, the purpose behind it, the G behind it, we can be doing things out of guilt and then also, like, not even being conscious that we're like, just doing these things and we think that it's what we're supposed to do because we've created this spiral.

Mikki: Yeah, exactly. And you know, it's like, absolutely Doing it out of guilt, obligation, expectations, right. Which then turn into resentments. Right. How often do we get stuck in that cycle and then bitterness, you know, And I think that's really so many times we just don't stop to think about what do I want to be doing, what do I really want in life, what are my values, what's important to me, what do I believe in? And really, looking at is the life that I'm living today, are the steps I'm taking in this moment aligned with that? So often we're just moving along like it said. I think that was one of the most interesting things that I found last year is. And I'm going to talk about, we'll talk about the retreat, but as we got this group of women in community with one another, they all came from very varied backgrounds, but they all shared that same thing, which I think most of my listeners, right, if they're here listening, it's because they really want to do better, right? They want to be really good parents, they want to be really good moms, they want to be good partners, you know, all of the things. But it's like finding the time or finding the way to stop those patterns, to actually start to live that way. Right. And it sounds easy, sounds like we could do it, but yet we're just running.

Elise: Yeah, completely. And an image that just came to my mind as you were talking about, you know, finding the time and carving out the time, is, you know, we have like, we have like our smart devices, our phones right now we're Apple users. So Apple's, you know, charger is faster now and it, you know, charge or fills up faster. And that's what our intentional living collective really does. And for whatever reason, that's what really popped out to me of we can, we can be so disconnected, completely unplugged from ourselves. Like, like you were naming, like to know what you know fills us, to know what this is. It's like there are so many times where it's like I don't even know, but I know something needs to change, right? Like I don't even know what it is or how to do it. And even if I do know what it is, how am I even gonna go there or be that way or whatever. And so rather than walking on our own, like, because I come from a very holistic background where that's becoming more socially acceptable, but a lot of people are self-diagnosing and self-prescribing with supplements and homeopathic remedies and Essential oils with aromatherapy. It's like, well, if you go to a practitioner who sees this every day, who walks the talk, who helps others and seen a variety of situations and can like angle in and hone in on what might be really beneficial for you right now, rather than taking all these things and having half used supplements in your house and stuff, and you're like, well, that didn't work. Well, maybe it didn't work that time, but maybe it'll work in the future. But you know, like that prolonged experience where when you're investing in a container of your energy, investing in your energy in a container of women and like you get two coaches. For us most, there's very, you know, few resources that have more than one coach that are on the whole time. Right. And you get to plug into yourself really quickly and it can feel sometimes overwhelming, but also very releasing.

Mikki: Yeah. So I want to step back a second because I think tell them about what the collective is all about. Right. And so we really found that again, having these conversations, you know, like she just said, we're both coaches, we're both working with, women with a very, you know, lots of different backgrounds. But what we were really seeing is that desire, but the not knowing how. Right. And sort of feeling really lost within their own lives, feeling really overwhelmed within their own lives. And there's no one size fits all prescription for what to do. And so what we've done is create. We call it a collective because it is not just one experience. Right. It is this holistic approach. But we have, I will speak to. This year we are starting off kicking off with a four day retreat in western Michigan. And then for the three months following that, we have monthly in person meetups. Which is amazing to be in the community with women together. Right. So this is local to women in the metro Detroit, Michigan area. And then we also have virtual women's circle healings that we do as well. And then we have Boxer, which is our ability to talk to each other in between. But what this really looks like is like she said, it's a whole container where you get access to two coaches who understand what you are going through and can help support you. A community of other women who are all on the same journey. You are. Their lives might not look exactly, but it is the similar journey of, becoming more intentional, more conscious, more aware, and more on purpose in your life. When Elise was just talking about the collective, that really is this opportunity that we have for women. And enrollment is open and we have some early Bird pricing, we can talk about all of that. That's ending at the end of this year. So when you're hearing this, there's still a little bit of time, to sign up. If you are in Detroit and you would like to be in community with women because. Right. How often? I mean even Elise and I, like we saw each other for years and never really connected until later. And it's, we have to be very specific and say I want to be in community with other women to help support me so that I can get filled up right refueled and really that's when we see the greatest growth for people. Mm

Elise: Yeah, absolutely.

Mikki: So what's your favorite part of the collective, Elise? I'm just curious.

Elise: I think my favorite part is actually for me as like a teacher and guide is I get to talk about things and be with women in community in a way that I don't normally get to, in like my weekly classes or in like one to one coaching. It brings out the best of me in a way and gives like, gives my medicine out in a way that I'm not really able to give out, you know, online or you know, one to ones. So I think that that is really a magical piece to come with a more broad angle, when working with the women and the intentional living collective. And from that lens too, witnessing the women drop into themselves in a way that many haven't before ever. And especially being amongst other women, one to one therapy or something like that. But to go in and to share and be vulnerable and strong all at the same time, to hold space for someone else, to witness that connection happening as the women do that for each other is really magical. And it naturally happens. It's not any special thing that you have to know before coming in or anything. It just magically happens because of the intention behind this program.

Mikki: Yeah, for sure. I agree with you. I think one of my favorite parts was similar in just watching the women come in kind of on the first day, a little nervous, a little apprehensive, not knowing. Maybe some people this year are bringing friends, but you might come in not knowing anybody. Right. And last year I don't know that the vast majority of them were coming in knowing nobody except Elise or I and watching how quickly they developed really strong bonds with each other, how they really showed up for each other during the retreat and after and are still doing that. Right. Like we're nine, 10 months away and they're still getting together and supporting each other. I think being able to witness that kind of really deep admiration and respect among women was I think my favorite part because we don't always get that opportunity to see women really champion, loving and supporting one another. And it was just so healing.

Elise: Agree. It is the medicine we all need on this planet and this is what's going to change the energy in our society in a great way. And in relation to that, Miki, I just had Lauren, one of our past participants on my Instagram live, and she was sharing a testimonial from her time in our collective this spring. And many of the girls, the women came back together in the fall and we had like a fall coffee and Lauren shared how. And Lauren is someone who has, she really invests in her friendships. She's got friends, she's got amazing women in her family. She's really got a strong, support system. And when she was able to come to the coffee and see all the other gals and circle back up together, she just broke down. And in the most self-loving way that she realized in her words, she was bottling up feelings and emotions in her normal life. Circling back with the women from April, she knew she could go there and she could release and share and name that. Like, okay, I still have some sharing to do. I still have some conversations I need to have with my loved ones. And that's so beautiful. And that's like the depth that you share, that you talked about, that these women get to create, really organically.

Mikki: Yeah. And I think that's an important thing to sort of step into in this conversation because maybe you're not in the Detroit area. Right. But maybe you would love to do something like this or, you know, it just doesn't work out for whatever reason or. You're thinking about it so many times, Right. I know that I hear it all the time. Oh, I don't have the time or I don't have the money or, you know, I'm a single mom. I'm trying to do the, you know, just all the things and listen, I get it. And at the same time, when we do put ourselves, especially as women in community with other women, to be able to talk through what's going on, it is actually the catalyst to being a more strong, loving mother, partner, family member, daughter, all of the things. Because when we are allowing ourselves to be connected to other women and talk about what's going on for us and to learn from others, to get ideas, to share, to have accountability. Right. All of these things actually are the catalyst to helping us do that in other areas. Right. It's like the reason that we invest in coaching is so that you can learn the tools, try them out with a coach. Right. And then apply them to your life. And that's kind of what we're doing here. Just on this really like infused, sort of, more energized scale of being in community with other women is you get to learn how to actually create more intention, create more depth and create more responsibility. Like taking that really extreme responsibility in your life to show up differently. Mm

Elise: Yeah. And it doesn't. Yeah. And sometimes I feel like I'm like, oh, it sounds like a lot.

Mikki: It is a lot.

Elise: Yeah.

Mikki: But so is not doing it right. Then we're just. It's a lot to try to, you know, run the rat race to all of the things. Right. It's both. Both versions are a lot. Life is hard. Right. Life is challenging. But how do you want to feel about it?

Elise: Yeah. How do you feel about it? Which way do you want to go? Yeah, yeah.

Mikki: And do you want to feel like you're in control or not? Right. Mm

Elise: Yeah. And it feels more effortful when it's new because creating new habits, new ways of thinking, really being intentional, purposeful of like the why behind you're doing everything. And then eventually those become healthy habits that you don't have to give second thoughts to because you've trained your mind, you've trained your daily life to reflect these important things that are valuable to you.

Mikki: Yeah. Yeah. And I think that's so often it's like we don't. It's the slowing down to speed up. Right. It's that sort of. We have. If we want things to be different, we have to do something different.

Mikki: Right. And so we have to sort of take a pause, take time out. And that's why we start with the retreat, is to really take just a chunk of time to say to get a reset.

Mikki: Right. It's almost like a detox. Right. We got to reset the system. We have to reset our priorities, our values, what we're, wanting. Right. And it's not to change everything all at once, but it's to really focus on what's one area. One thing that I really want to focus on could be motherhood, could be relationships, could be health. Right. Could be a little bit of all those things. But really taking the time to give yourself the gift of a pause and a reset, I think is. It sounds counterintuitive, like, oh, you know, I just don't have time to pause, but actually we have to build that muscle so that we actually have more energy to give. Do you agree? Completely?

Elise: agree, yeah. Very counterintuitive. It's not what you're learning in the books. Like, it's very. It's not our linear society. And this is where we're really stepping into the feminine. And our feminine energy needs reset. It needs recharge, it needs reboot time. And we need each other. Brene Brown shares a story, about. And I'm probably not going to say it quite right, but I want to get it as close as I can, but she shares a story in at least one of her talks about a village. The women would go and wash their laundry all together on the same day, you know, in the river. And then the village got washing machines, and so the women didn't have to do that anymore. And then so many of the women got depression and anxiety went up. so mental health issues started to skyrocket. And it was because they weren't gathering together over doing the laundry together and sharing and being there and spending the day, you know, doing that ritual of what they're all doing, getting something for the household done and being there for each other and sharing whatever's going on in their life and then going back to their homes and just that one little change that we think we're bettering our lives.

Mikki: Right.

Elise: With all this independent stuff. You don't have to do this anymore. You don't have to do that. You don't have, you know, trying to make our lives easier is actually being really counterproductive in our mental health and how we actually operate as primal humans.

Mikki: Yeah. And I do. I think that's a really important thing to sort of stress, too, for my audience here is because if there is one thing that you become one common thread with divorce and separation, Right. Is the alienation, the loneliness. I can just speak for myself. When I went through, you know, the first couple years, in all honesty, it was trying to prove, like, figure out how can I get everything done, how can I, you know, do everything I have to do now on my own for myself and my son, but also just the, shame and the not wanting anyone to have pity on me or think that I wasn't doing okay. Right. So I just went full force into running to make sure that I did all the things all the time to prove that I was okay. But what I wasn't was in community and connection with other people. And it was really only through that kind of healing and Learning how to be vulnerably with other women, that I've actually seen the most growth in my life since that period of time. And it just sort of reminded me of that. It's like we go especially, you know, again after divorce and separation into this whole new realm. But often we don't pause and step back to decide, well, what's this going to look like? Right. We're just so all over the place. So if you are interested, if you're here in local and interested and want to talk with us about sort of what that would look like, we would love to talk with you about it. And there will be the links in the show notes. But I also want to say for other people listening here, find community. It is out there. Absolutely. Whether that is local women's group, whether that is local exercise or yoga or wellness studios, whether that is church schools, get yourself, and it might take a couple tries to find the right group, but get yourself into community because that, like that beautiful story. We're not meant to do this alone.

Elise: Yeah. And shop around, like Mikki said. Yeah, that's what I tell myself. I'm shopping around. Because not everybody's, you know, not every group is the right fit. You know, when you go to that, you know, experience and you're like, yeah, I'm not really. These aren't my people. Then you can keep shopping.

Mikki: Yeah. Find the right bit. But I think, yeah, the biggest thing we want you to take away from this conversation today is the necessity of really being intentional, of being conscious, of being aware, of giving yourself the space and the pause to really decide, what do I love about my life? What could use some work, what do I want to change? And then how am I going to do that? And the, how are you going to do that really comes in from when you are investing your time, your energy. And it usually takes money also, but, you know, time, energy, and know how. Of how am I going to really start to shift this and finding someone or some people, a group that are on a similar path, that are living the example that you want to be part of? Like, these are all really important things to look for and to actually put yourself in those communities. So what else do you want to share before I try to be respectful of time? So is there anything else you want to share, Elise, about the retreat or holidays or anything? I know it is holiday season.

Elise: Yeah. I think this is the perfect time of year to really be reflecting on, you know, how you're living your holiday season this year. And if you would like that to be different. Looking for next year, something like this will be a guiding resource to create the change that you desire to not having to be maybe filling in all the gaps like you mentioned, like on there, you know, you didn't say hamster wheel, but, just running around and doing all the things or feeling like FOMO. You know, if you have either of those where you're just, like, going, going, going, or because you're the one that has to do it all and. Or you have major FOMO from missing out on what's happening in other people's lives and how that might affect you. This is what it's for. I am wired for. What is it? FOMO.

Mikki: FOMO. Yeah.

Elise: How can I say no to more things? So I would love to share that with you more in our intentional living collective and the power that it can give you, to really, really define the kind of life that you want to live.

Mikki: Yeah. Because it really is your choice. I think oftentimes we feel like we don't get a choice or other people are making choices and decisions for us, but that only happens when we are participating in those choices. And so you really do get to decide what your life looks like, what your relationships look like. And so doing that with intention and with purpose and with awareness can be the most beautiful gift you'll give yourself. Good. Well, thank you for coming today. I'm so grateful. I'm excited to introduce my audience to you, so thank you.

Elise: It's been a pleasure.

Mikki: Yeah, for sure. So everything about the retreat is in the show notes. There's also all of, Elise's information. If you want to get to know her a little bit more, feel free to go to the show notes and get that. But if you're feeling called to do something different and you're in the metro Detroit area and you want to just talk about it, let us know there's a form that you can fill out. Because we do look at each person as they're coming in to make sure that they're a right fit and that we're a right fit for them. And so you don't have to pay anything. You can just go ahead and fill that out and say that you're interested, and then that way we can really get into a conversation again to make sure that it's the right fit. because it's such a small group of women, we really curate a group and a community that works really well together. And so that's really important to both of us. But thank you for coming. Thank you all for listening, and we just wish you all the best.

Elise: Thanks, Mikki.

Mikki: Oh, and one more thing. The legal stuff. This podcast is solely intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for any medical advice. Please consult your physician or a qualified medical professional for personalized medical advice. Thanks for listening to Co-Parenting with Confidence. If you want more information or resources from this podcast, Visit CoparentingwithConfidence.com I'll see you next week.