Ep #33: Interview with Molly Claire

Mikki: I'm Mikki Gardner, and this is the Co-Parenting with Confidence podcast episode number 33, An Interview with Molly Claire. [music] Mikki: Welcome to Co-Parenting with Confidence, a podcast for those courageous moms out there who wanna move past the conflict and frustration of divorce and show up as the mom they truly wanna be. My name is Mikki Gardner, I'm a Certified Life and Conscious Parenting Coach with my own personal dose of co-parenting experience. Throughout my co-parenting journey, I have learned to become confident in who I am as a woman and a mother, and I'm here to help you do the same. If you're ready to learn what it takes to become a great co-parent and an amazing example to your children, well get ready and let's dive into today's episode. Mikki: Welcome friend. Thank you for joining me today. I know that there are so many great podcasts that you have available to listen to, and I am genuinely so grateful that you're here with me today. Before we dive in, I do wanna ask a favor, if you're enjoying and receiving value from this free podcast, I would be so grateful if you would rate and review it. Reviews are what help other women find the encouragement, the love and the support that we offer here. So please give back by reviewing the podcast so that we can share the love and empower more moms. And that brings me to today. In the month of May, I've been wanting to extend the Mother's Day celebrations by offering amazing conversations with powerful, beautiful, kind women who have all walked the journey of divorce. Sometimes we can get lost in the loneliness of being a divorce divorced mom, we can feel that we're all on our own. So I wanted to bring on women who are living proof that there is not only life after divorce but amazing life, and let's be frank, it's just super fun for me to be able to have these conversations with these extraordinary women. And today is no exception. We have Molly Claire here. She is telling us all about her journey from stay-at-home mom to life coach, to best-selling author and seven figure earner. So without any further ado, let's take a listen. Mikki: Welcome back to the Co-Parenting with Confidence podcast, and I am so beyond excited and honored that today we have one of my favorite humans, Molly Claire. Hi, Molly. Molly: Hello, it's so nice to be with you. Mikki: It's so... Molly: You're one of my favorite humans too. And so... Mikki: Aww, thanks. So, you know, there could be a lot of people in my audience here that may not be familiar with you and... Like I was sort of telling you before we got on, the month of May, I wanted to sort of extend the Mother's Day celebration and all things women who are empowering themselves in their lives and their children post-divorce and that sort of have walked this journey and survived, so not only survived, I mean, let's be honest, thriving in your case, and so... Molly: Yes, yes. That's right. Mikki: So I just want to sort of introduce you to my audience, and I'd I love for them to be able to hear a little bit about you, sort of who are you? How did you get here? Anything you'd like to share with us? Molly: Yeah, yeah, definitely. So yeah. My business is a big part of my journey of navigating divorce and life after it, because at least for me, figuring out how to create financial stability on my own was a big deal for me, and so that's quite a bit of my story. So I'll kind of... You can step in and we can just highlight the parts that are most relevant to your audience of course. Mikki: Okay, yes. Molly: 'Cause I hope all of you listening going through this to feel inspired and to know that something better is possible for you, so... Mikki: Yes. Molly: Yeah. So I had been married for 15 years, when I went down the divorce path. I had three kids, I had been mostly a stay-at-home mom for my... Almost my entire marriage. Mikki: Oh wow. Molly: And yes. Yes. And so I definitely felt kind of terrified on many fronts, I would say, especially for me, financially was a big part of it. Fear for, how is this gonna be for my kids? Is this going to impact my kids in a terrible way? Am I going to be able to have the time to be with my kids? It was a big deal for me, and partly because I was raised by a single mom and a single mom who was very busy and very overburdened and there was never enough money, and so when I started going down the path of divorce... Of course, a lot of that came up for me, right? Mikki: Sure. Molly: I don't want my kids to have that same life, and I don't wanna have the same life that I saw my mom have too. Mikki: Yes. Molly: So anyway, as I went through the divorce, I, like many of your listeners, experienced a lot of things, a lot of fear, a lot of grief and sadness, and I think so often we're just kind of almost scrambling for some sense of security or foundation, and I just want to acknowledge it's a lot to deal with all at once. Right? Mikki: It is. Yeah, and I think you just hit the nail on the head. It's like you're constantly treading water, just try not to drown. Molly: Yes, and... Mikki: Like it's a constant. Yeah... Molly: Yes, yes. And you're the one who is the strength for the kids that you are caring for. Mikki: Yes. Molly: Right? And so it's kind of like this balance between having the strength to make sure that to the extent that you can, there's not undue pressure or worries or responsibilities on the kids, and also being human and being vulnerable and having emotions. Right? Mikki: Right. Molly: So anyway, as I said, I... When I went through my divorce, I was actually building my coaching business at the time, and really for me, my experience post-divorce and sort of the strength and growth came as I really built my business as part of my personal journey and also helping other people. Mikki: Okay. Molly: So I don't know if that's what you're looking for, but that kind of gives you a little bit of a gist of just sort of the... What I lean to and look to, to be able to help me thrive and rise above the circumstances, so... Mikki: Yeah, so I'm always curious about sort of what was it that you were able to sort of latch on to to give yourself the hope to move forward, because like you said, there's all the feels happening, you're human, you're going through all the ups and downs, you're responsible for small humans at the same time. Molly: Yes, yeah. Mikki: And so... And you're growing a business. Molly: Yes. Well, what I'll say is, and this is like a huge plug for anyone listening to this, definitely needs to work with you, Mikki, because... Mikki: Oh, you're so sweet. Molly: It's true, because it was... When you talk about where I grounded myself, it was... I remember this moment being in my closet, I had just gotten off the phone with my ex-husband, we were talking about some financial stuff, I was terrified, I was sobbing, I was just overwhelmed with all the things and wondering, "Am I gonna be able to do this? Am I gonna be able to make my life better? More full? Am I gonna be able to be there for my kids?" And I was sitting in the closet, I had just gotten off the phone and I had my computer in there, 'cause we'd been looking at some financial stuff or whatever... I don't remember exactly. Molly: But all I know is that I got on my computer and I had reached out to the best coach that I knew, and I invested in working with her, and I remember that was a really big moment for me where I was deciding, "I am going to make my life better. I believe that I can do this, and this investment is me investing in my future and something better for my kids and... " Yeah, it was... It was a big deal for me, and that was a big step of like, "This is what I'm grounding myself in, and my belief that I can do something better." Mikki: I love that, and I love your vulnerability to say like, you were terrified, right? Terrified of making that investment, and it's honestly not overly supported, I don't think. Most people talk about investing in your kids, making sure all the resources are there, but to what you're speaking to is we have to continue to take care of ourselves, if the airplane... Molly: Absolutely. Mikki: You gotta put your mask on first, so that you're available to help them, and so I love that you're an example of that. And Molly's sitting here being so modest, and for those of you, you'll read it in the bio, but can you tell them about sort of what your business looks like now? You're also a best-selling author, by the way. Molly: Sure. I am. So, but I wanna back up just a little bit before I do. I'm happy to share that, but you know this idea of investing in yourself because as I'll speak to... I actually work with coaches now, and I hear so often, some women who are working with women who are divorced or single moms feeling bad about even charging for coaching, and this is a normal thing to feel because we all know what it's like right, to be in that place. But I always say to my clients, me being able to pay for my coaching and not pay a small amount, by the way, because I was like, "You know what, I am taking this seriously, I'm gonna have a great life, I'm gonna make sure my kids have a great life, and I am putting my money where my mouth is." And so I guess I just wanna highlight that because for all of you as you're listening, make sure that you are investing in yourself and when you can really step into believing something more is possible, you do create that something more is possible. So... Mikki: Absolutely, absolutely. Molly: Yeah, so I started my business, and I was working primarily with women struggling with motherhood, all the overwhelmed... The, am I completely ruining my kid's life? Mikki: Yes. Molly: And all of that perfectionism and all that good stuff, and I loved working with those women, and I did write a book, The Happy Mom Mindset. Mikki: It's so good, I'll put a link to that in the show notes too 'cause everyone needs to read it and do the workbook. Molly: Yeah, I mean, it's... It really will be a helpful thing, I think, for any woman navigating motherhood. For sure. So yeah, my book became a bestseller, and I did some more work with that, and then I also actually worked with women coming through divorce, I worked with that population of women experiencing what your listeners are experiencing. Mikki: Yeah. Molly: And back to what you were saying, helping them to not just survive, but really thrive, right? And over time, because as I was building my business, I was also training coaches with the life coach school and doing a lot of work teaching coaching skills, I just kind of had this natural shift into working with coaches who were building their businesses. I love helping coaches with their skill mastery and really, honestly, my favorite part about it is helping coaches overcome their limiting beliefs. You know? Mikki: Yeah, and I think... Absolutely, I love it, and I know that you do this so well because I've been the fine recipient of your talents. I think the same thing applies to this audience though too, right, it's getting whatever that obstacle is, and usually it's not necessarily someone else but it's what we perceive is in our way from having the life that we want, our perception. And so I'm curious, from your experience with coaches, your experience with divorced moms and your own life experience, what do you see are maybe a couple of those struggles or obstacles and how to overcome them? Mikki: Yeah. Overcome those limiting beliefs? Mikki: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Molly: Yeah. I think the biggest thing is really making a decision that you're going to believe something different about yourself. Mikki: Okay. Molly: So I remember when I had met with the first attorney as I was navigating divorce, and I live in Texas, and I found out there's no alimony in Texas, and I just remember feeling so panicked. I mean, you hear this time and again, money was a big fear for me. Definitely. And I know it is for many of your listeners too. Mikki: 100%. 100%. Molly: Yeah, and I remember coming away from that appointment and I was actually in master coach training at the time, and my instructor and mentor was talking to me about it, and I remember she asked me, "Well, why don't you just make as much money as he does?" And I said, "Well, he makes a lot of money." Like it seemed absurd to me, right? And I say this because I guarantee that there are some of your listeners that relate to this. I've talked to enough women who've experienced divorce to know this is... I'm not alone in having this thought. Mikki: Nope. Molly: Right? Mikki: For sure. Molly: And again, she just said, "Well, so why don't you make as much money as he does?" And I just remember as she said that it was like this moment in time where everything was in slow motion and the wheels were turning, and I was like, "Oh my gosh, it's true that that could be possible for me." There are like other women I know who make that much money and more, even if I don't know a lot of them personally. They exist, right? And so... Mikki: They exist. Yeah. Molly: For me, it was just that little bit of opening. Like actually something that seems impossible for me as a woman in this situation, is possible, and so even though I didn't believe it right away, I made a commitment that one day I would believe that to be true. And for your listeners, I mean, really think about that for you, is it the kind of life you wanna have with your kids, maybe another relationship, is it financial success? What is it exactly that you would love to believe is possible, but that just seems out of reach, and start with a clear decision that one day you're gonna believe it. Mikki: Oh, I love that. I love that. And so... And I can imagine someone... This might seem as a little bit of a foreign concept, so then how do you go about creating that belief? Molly: Yeah. So I think for me, in that moment, and actually for each of you, I do think it's important to take a little bit of time to really decide what is this thing I want to believe about me? This thing I want to believe is possible and really be clear about it. And from there, I think it's important to look for and gather evidence that it might be possible, and that's really what happened for me in that moment, it was like this evidence just came clear and that for me was a big game changer. And so for your listeners, take the time to find evidence to see that it would be possible. Mikki: Yes, yeah, I love that. 'Cause I remember... I came from a very different situation and that we just celebrated my parents, 53rd wedding anniversary, they're very... It was very much the quote unquote "stable home". So all of my ideas of divorce came from either, you know, kids that I knew, maybe that it wasn't a great situation, or the media or in movies or any of those things. I just remember the Irreconcilable Differences movie from the '80s, which was horrible. Molly: Not recommended. Mikki: Not recommended. But that was kind of my idea. And so I remember when I started down this journey, knowing that this was going to be the path that I was going to take, really starting to look for other options, right? It can't just be those things and starting to look for... Even if they felt really far off. Molly: Yes. Mikki: Even if it's celebrities or even just people in the neighborhood that I saw that had these things, and the more that I started to see them... Molly: Yes. Mikki: What you're saying, it started to create evidence that there was something different, there was something else there, and so it just opens to the curiosity of, what might I not know yet? Molly: Yes, yes. And you know, along those lines too, as you were talking, I know that you work with women on co-parenting, and one thing that I did as I started my divorce process was I actually got together with two different women who I knew had a really good relationship with their ex. And I went to dinner with them, and I said, "Tell me all about this. How did you come to this? How did you decide this?" And because I felt like taking advice from someone who has failed at something... [chuckle] And I use that word, I know it's such a bad word, right, but it's kind of true. You wanna take advice from someone who has a perspective of how this can work. Mikki: Yes. Molly: Because in my experience, when something hasn't worked for someone, oftentimes, they'll focus on the negatives with you or give you a little bit of a hopeless view on it... Mikki: For sure, yeah. Molly: And especially right now, like your audience that's listening, make sure that you're surrounding yourself with people who are telling you the positives, who are telling you what's possible, who see the best in you and genuinely believe it's possible. Mikki: Yes, I love that advice. Yeah. Molly: 'Cause I was thinking about that when we were kind of... When you were bringing up the relationship between my clients as coaches and your clients as single moms, and it's kind of like... I tell my coaches, there are gonna be plenty of people that are going to tell you, "Oh, that's really cute that you wanna build a business," or... "Oh... " They kind of downplay or they maybe minimize or dismiss or even say it's not a good idea. And I think for your audience, the same thing is true. There are plenty of people that are gonna tell you it's hard to be a single mom. There are plenty of people that are gonna tell you that you won't really be able to make your life better or to thrive or to make enough money, there are even some people that will tell you to like you better find someone to depend on. Mikki: Oh, I love that one, that's so helpful. Molly: Right? Isn't that the best? Mikki: The best! Molly: And the worst, all at the same time. [laughter] Mikki: Run the other direction when someone says that. Molly: Oh my gosh! And so that really, when I... And this is why I feel so grateful that I found this work, this thought and emotion work, the stuff that you do with your clients before going through this, because I remember just deciding, I'm gonna decide what my version of being a single woman and a single mom is, and I'm gonna decide that at church and in a community I, not only belong, but I'm one of the leaders here, I'm the one raising my hand, I'm the one sitting on the front row, I show up because me and my kids and our situation isn't broken, or it's not less than. We're here, we're relevant, and we're here to show up. Mikki: I love that. Oh, I love that. And I don't know why, but it sort of popped in my head as we were talking about, how you do that. I think it's a lot about... And this is gonna seem in left field, but sort of about manifesting. When people think manifesting is super woo-woo, like the secret, and we should all just sit around and think about things, but really it's that intentional conscious process of directing our attention over and over, like you just said, to what we want. I know often times people will say it's almost afraid of losing friends, losing family members, if they don't say the right thing or because of the situation, but really, like you said, finding one or two people who understand, one or two people who are in your corner and investing in yourself to do the healing and the work, and sort of stepping into that conscious intentional process of life every day. Molly: Yes, yes. Mikki: I love that. Molly: And something that really stuck with me, I remember my mom saying at one point in time, and I don't remember the context in which she said this, but I think she was kind of having a... Maybe a low moment, and I remember her saying to me, "I just hope that you and your sister will be stronger than I am." And I, of course, I remember being confused by her statement because I saw my mom as so strong, and I think kids usually do. My guess is that most of your listeners, your kids see you as really strong, but I remember thinking like, "What does she even mean?" And I remember that being a real motivator for me when I was going through my divorce like, "You know what, I'm gonna be strong, I am going to make my mom so proud, and almost give her the gift of having a life for me and my kids that she wishes that we could have had." Mikki: Oh, I love that. Molly: Yeah. So it definitely really stuck with me, and this is the thing, I mean... All your listeners, it's like, take all the inspiration and support and motivation and belief in yourself that you can from everywhere. It's like you have to build your own... What's the word I'm looking for? Like reserve of strength. Right? Mikki: Yes, yeah, I love that because so many... They feel so alone, they feel so out in left field, like they're the only ones that are experiencing this when there is evidence many, many people are, but it's being willing to actually step out and like you said, keep yourself relevant, you matter, and choosing to matter every day and choosing to let your family matter and your kids, and then showing up for them each and every day. Molly: Yes. Mikki: So I love that story, Molly, about how you wanted to sort of use the fuel to create a family that your mom was proud of, maybe the one that she had really wanted to, and it reminded me, we had a conversation not too long ago about what I think is one of the most gorgeous mom moments with you and your daughter Daisy, who by the way, was on the podcast, she kicked off the month of May... Molly: Yes! Mikki: For anyone who hasn't listened, please do so. She is a dynamo. My goodness, I love her. So congratulations on that one. Molly: Thanks, I'm just along for the ride with that one. Mikki: Oh, she's so good. She is such a soul in this beautiful spot in this world. But I'd love for you to sort of share because I think what it does is kind of bring everything full circle, what you're talking about is sort of really creating the life that you wanted which was to make money and support your family. Molly: Yeah, I just remember always my mom struggling financially, and from that, as I've done my own work and thriving after divorce, I've had to challenge a lot of my beliefs, my fears that there's not enough money, that women can't make money, that single moms are doomed, all this kind of stuff... And so one day, my daughter said to me, "Mom, do you know what so and so's mom does for work?" And before I had a chance to answer, she said, "Because they have really fancy stuff, they're getting a pool in, their house is huge, their dad drives a Porche, their mom drives this, they travel to all these vacation spots like it's nothing, so she must make a lot of money." And then before I could answer, she paused and she said, "Oh, well, I guess it might be her dad. Do you know what he does?" And it just was maybe one of the most exciting moments of my life as far as influence on my daughter, not because I'm not someone who cares much about luxury, not that I think it's bad if people do. But everyone has different things that appeal to them. Right? But for me, what this meant was my daughter's assumption is that women are powerful creators of abundance, that's what it said to me. Mikki: 100%. Molly: And ironically, it was like this friend's mom was a stay-at-home mom, but Daisy's assumption, it must be her creating this magical life that they have. Mikki: Yeah. You told me that story and it just warmed my heart because it really... Especially knowing your story, where you came from, the fear and the confusion and the overwhelm that you had at the beginning of your journey, to then opening up to the belief and then to creating so much abundance and success in your life, and then to actually watch your daughter, just be able to assume that that was the situation, like such a gift. Molly: I know, it's like him making the money was just like this after thought that could be possible, that's kinda like, "Come on, we all know that women are the ones that make things happen around here." It was really cute, it was really cute. Mikki: For sure. I love that. I just think it's such a fun story and such a beautiful mom moment because I mean, frankly, that we really are wanting to show up for our kids and create a better life for them despite what's going on right now, and I think for so many women, it can feel again, so hopeless, so overwhelming, but just to stay really focused on that. So as much as I'd love to keep you forever and ever on the conversation, I do... I'd love to get your advice for moms who are maybe... And you've said some great tips, but if there's anything else for just starting out and rebuilding after divorce or anything for healing... I would love your feedback on that. Molly: Yeah, so I would say, first of all, start where you are and just allow yourself to take baby steps all along the way with everything you're doing. Mikki: Okay. Molly: And also know that sometimes it means that you need to put a pause on life and take a break all together from things, so be willing to take it as it comes, take it a step at a time, and not believe that you need to be further ahead or have it all figured out. Mikki: I love that sort of permission to pause. Molly: Yes. And right along with that, also have that big picture and result in mind, so kind of like I said, with deciding where you wanna be, what you wanna believe, because I think that we get into trouble when we think we should be further ahead or when we think we have to figure everything out right now and solve all the world's divorce problems. Mikki: Yes. Molly: And so we wanna have that almost be a little near-sighted in that sense of like, "Okay, I can just take this one step at a time and start where I am." And we also wanna have the skill of seeing into the distance as far as where we're headed. So when we can have that perspective combined with the baby steps, I think it's a magical combination for sure. Mikki: I love that, and it reminds me to a mutual friend of ours and who has been a guest here, Andrea Giles, said something once that, when we think about a dream, and I think what you're talking about is sort of like that dream of what's next, what could be in your future... She was such a great reminder that if it's there, it's there for you, it's been placed there by whatever your source is of by God, by spirit, universe, but it's there for a reason, and sort of allowing yourself to have the faith that it could be possible, so having both of those together. I love that. Molly: Yes, absolutely. And another thing that I think is, I mean, so important is that you are going to have a lot of emotions. Divorce is, you're experiencing loss and grief and sadness and fear, all at the same time, so in all of this effort to rebuild your life and do the things and be there for your kids, make sure that you are there for you, make sure you have support and you make space for your emotions and that you really give it enough space, respect what you, your emotional self needs in all of this. Mikki: I love that, and I think it comes back full circle to sort of the investment, investing your time, your money, your energy, all of those things into you. And then my last question for you, 'cause it is the Co-Parenting with Confidence Podcast, so I have to ask. Molly: Yeah. Mikki: How do you define confidence, and how does it show up in life? Molly: Yeah. So when I think about confidence, I really think about a willingness to keep showing up, because we may not always feel confident. We may not always be... It's almost like, I think sometimes we think confidence is the lack of any fear, like absence of fear, that we're just in this place of never having any doubt, but I think about confidence as like a willingness to keep showing up and keep taking steps forward, even when there's doubt, even when there's fear, even when that's happening. For sure. Mikki: Oh, I love that. That's so beautiful. Well, Molly, thank you so much. I'll definitely put in the show notes of how people can find you, and if you have any love of coaching, definitely, you have an amazing podcast, the book, The Happy Mom, all of it, I definitely want to encourage people to go and read and find all things Molly Claire. Molly: Yes. Well, and I think that even just follow all the powerful women examples, that you know who are leaders in their life... Mikki: Yes. I love that. Molly: Be inspired by them. I think that really helps us to see that so much more as possible for each of us, so... Mikki: Yes. Oh, I love that. Thank you so much and thank you for taking time to be with us today. Molly: Yes, you're so welcome. Thanks, Mikki. Mikki: I loved that conversation. I love any conversation with Molly because she leaves you feeling inspired and hopeful. If you enjoyed that as much as I did, I'd love to hear some of your takeaways and please share this episode with someone who could really use some inspiration today, and make sure that you tag Molly and I over on Instagram. We'd be so grateful and would love to connect with you. If this podcast resonates with you and you want more, then please subscribe to my newsletter so that you'll be in the know about any of the free upcoming workshops that I do, new podcast episodes and new opportunities to work with me. Just go to www.mikkigardner.com and sign up for the 3 Myths of co-parenting and you'll be on the newsletter and you won't miss any of the fun. Thank you for spending this time with me today, I'll see you next week and, in the meantime, take really good care of you. [music] Mikki: Thanks for listening to the Co-Parenting with Confidence. If you want more information or resources from this podcast, visit coparentingwithconfidence.com. I'll see you next week. [music]