Ep #12: An Intention Setting Ceremony for 2022

I’m Mikki Gardner, and this is the Co-Parenting with Confidence podcast, episode number 12, An Intention Setting for 2022. In this episode, I am going to take you through a ceremony that I use in my very own life to set my intentions for the coming New Year. Welcome to Co-Parenting with Confidence, a podcast for those courageous moms out there who want to move past the conflict and frustration of divorce and show up as the mom they truly want to be. My name’s Mikki Gardner. I’m a Certified Life and Conscious Parenting Coach, with my own personal dose of co-parenting experience. Throughout my co-parenting journey, I have learned to become confident in who I am as a woman and a mother, and I’m here to help you do the same. If you’re ready to learn what it takes to become a great co-parent and an amazing example to your children, well, get ready and let’s dive into today’s episode. Welcome, friend. Today’s episode I’m so excited about, and honestly, it’s a little bit different from the others I’ve done. This is going to be, actually, a working episode. It might be a little bit longer than usual and it’s something that I want you to very much interact with me on. So, you might hit “pause” and take it at your own pace. You might go all the way through it. It’s yours to do what you want with. But today, I am going to walk you through a personal process that I do each year to put closure on the year that’s coming to an end and create my intention for the coming New Year. So, why is this important? Well, just like you wouldn’t start any good road trip without a destination and the directions to get there, it’s the same here. I don’t want to aimlessly go into the New Year without a clear vision for what I want. Setting our intentions is what sets us up to create and manifest the life that we want. These are not resolutions. Resolutions focus on willpower or wishes, and they just don’t work. This is about intention. This is about desire and creating on purpose. Resolution is focusing on what you don’t want to do anymore or using willpower, which is short-term, for a long-term goal. That’s why it just doesn’t work. So, when we are setting our intentions, we’re really building a foundation, creating a step-by-step process, so that we can intentionally set down what we don’t want and intentionally step forward towards what we do want. And that’s what this episode is all about. So, if you’re ready to create your intention for 2022—think of it as like a lighthouse of sorts that you’re going to use to guide your actions throughout the year—then you are in the right place. So, here’s what you’re going to need: a quiet space—uninterrupted space. I know for those of you who have kids at home, even little ones, that can be at a premium. Often, I’ll wake up very early in the morning and do it right after my meditation. So, if that’s it for you, just hit “pause” on here, and then you can pick it up at a time when you are in a quiet space. So, when you have that set, I recommend either getting a cup of tea or a cup of coffee. You definitely are going to need a journal and a pen or something to write on and with. We’re going to do some breathing exercises. We’re going to bring some closure. And then we’re going to set some intention. So, if you’re ready to get started, let’s dive in. So, before we can create intention for 2022, we need to put a little bit of closure around 2021. And before we do that, I want you just to sort of settle into your body and take a little bit of breath with me. We’re going to do three deep breaths in and out. We’re going to take a big breath in, and then I want you to let all of that air out. Another big breath in, letting your entire torso expand with air. And then blow all of that air out. And one last deep, deep, cleansing breath in. And then let it all out. Okay. So, as we look at 2021, we’re really looking to create closure here. So, I want you to answer this question: “2021, for me, was …”? So, I just want you to take a little bit of time. Hit “pause” if you don’t want to hear my voice. I am going to sort of walk you through what has come up for me. So, after I ask these prompts, feel free to just hit “pause” and then keep writing at your time. So, 2021 for me was really a balance. It was a balance of confidence and uncertainty, of panic and trust, of calm and loss. It was a solid mix of all of these things. And so, for me, I have more of a mixed bag than maybe just one thing. And that might be the same for you. So, the next prompt is, “What is something that you’re mourning this year?” And I want you to take a minute to validate that. For me, we had a lot of death in our family. I had the loss of my furry best friend. And a lot of loss of normalcy. And I was mourning all of these things. I’m mourning all of these things now. I also want you to take a moment, and what are you celebrating from 2021? What just was awesome that you loved, and you want to celebrate in this moment as you recap? You know, for me, it was confidence. The confidence and the groundedness that I felt through all this year and through all of the loss that I experienced. And that, for me, was such a celebration. And the thing is is that we can hold both—the things that we’re mourning and the things that we’re celebrating. I’m learning how to balance and hold both the confidence and the panic, the uncertainty, and the trust. And you can do the same things here. So, I want you to take as much time that you need about what you are mourning for this year and what you are celebrating. So, as we set our intentions, we are going to focus on four key areas of life: heart, mind, body, and soul. These are the four areas that we are going to be creating intention for. And so, I’m going to go through each one and sort of tell you what they are about, and you might want to take some notes, but I’ll recap these. “Heart” is all about relationships. It’s all about love, about family, our children, our community, also our home—our physical home. So much of our heart is really about where we are, the people that we are with, the relationships that we have. So, that’s the “heart” area that we’re going to focus on. The second is “mind.” And this is everything that you create. Things like your career, money, manifesting, your studies if you’re studying anything… All of this goes into the mind. Those things that you’re creating. And then we’re going to have “body.” That’s another area. This one’s a little more obvious. It’s about health and well-being. It’s all about your physical body, your physical balance, your physical well-being. And then the fourth area that we’re going to focus our intentions on is “soul.” And this is all things healing. This is all things spiritual—your spirituality practice, meditation, creativity, maybe therapy… And also, all of your self-care is going to fall under “soul.” And so, as we are going to walk through this process, we’re going to look at each of these four areas. So, as we’re closing out 2021, I want you to take some time in each of these areas and follow along with these questions. And again, I will sort of intersperse some of the things that have been coming up for me, and then you can just hit “pause” or listen to them, and then just write out your own. So, the first are we’re going to look at is “heart.” And for this area, I want you to write down what was a high and what was a low in the “heart” area. What was a high in your relationships—in love, in family, kids, community, or in your physical home? And what was a low in this area in 2021? You know, for me, we moved into a new house, and that was definitely a high. We’d been working on it for a while. And now we’re all in one space together. Also, in my “heart” category, in 2021, my low was my loss—my loss of my best friend, my dog. The loss of my grandmother and my uncle. The loss of family relationships as I knew them. So, what was it in 2021 that was your high and your low? And in that low, I want you to find one healing or one lesson that came out of it. For me, with all of the loss, I learned that I could stay grounded, even amidst the loss. That I could choose my response. That I could have boundaries, even when I was grieving. And this, for me, was a big lesson that came out of it. So, now we’re going to go to “mind”—the category of “mind”—and I want you to do the same practice. I want you to take a moment and write down a high and a low as it related to “mind.” And then for that low, I want you to take a moment and, what was the lesson—what was the learning—that you found there? This could be, again, anything from your careers, your studies, from money, from manifesting… For me, definitely in this area, starting this podcast was my high. It was so amazing for me. And sometimes in the low, for me, we built a new home and there’s a lot of expense and there’s a lot that comes with that and a lot of feelings that I have about that. And so, that was my low as I move through 2021. But the lesson for me in that low is that I can be intentional about the way that I choose to spend my money, where I spend my money, and that’s a choice that I get to make. That might seem obvious, but for me, that’s what was coming up. So, I wonder what was coming up for you when it relates to “mind.” So now, we’re going to move to “body.” And we’re going to ask ourselves these same questions. What are the highs and what was the low for 2021 for you as it relates to your body? Remembering that that is all things wellbeing and health and wellness—your physical body. For me, as I reflected on this, what came up is I cut back on drinking alcohol considerably this year. And it has made a real impact on my life—a real impact on sort of how I feel every day, how I’m moving through my life. And so, that was definitely a high. My low, if I’m being totally honest: I gained a little weight. You know, the “COVID-19” as they said. So, that, for me, was a low. I had decreased energy. Decreased exercise. And definitely felt a level of exhaustion that I haven’t felt in years before that lingered. And I think the lesson that came out of that for me in the area of body is that it is a priority for me to build on my wellness—to take care of this physical body that I’ve been given. And so, I realize that that is going to be a priority that wasn’t a priority that needed more intention this past year. So, what is it for you? What was your high and your low, and then what was the lesson that came from that low in the “body” area in 2021? And then we’re going to move to the last area, “soul.” And remember, this is all things spirituality, therapy, healing, meditation, prayer, self-care, creativity… So, in the area of “soul,” what was your high for 2021? And what was your low? For me, this was definitely a huge area because I completed one year of 365 days of meditation consecutively. And the impacts have been broad, profound, and not what I expected, but we’ll talk about that on a different episode. But that was definitely my high. My low, as it relates to the “soul” area: when I went back and I sort of really did this exercise and looked at it, I had a lot less time spent in sort of the “self-care” area. I dove into meditation and spirituality much more… Creativity… But my self-care wasn’t quite there. And so that, for me, was the low. So, I’m curious, what was it for you? What was your high in your “soul” category? And what was your low? And then, what was the lesson that you learned from that? And as you ask yourself and you look back over all of these—the heart, the mind, the body, and the soul—so, which area felt the biggest and what stood out to you the most? What did you learn about in 2021? What seemed like the biggest either area that needs focus or the biggest success you had in 2021? And now, I want you to decide on one thing that you’re taking with you into 2022, something that you’re taking into the New Year. This is a really important process because after you looked at all of the areas—sort of what was high, what was low—I want you to make a decision about something you’re taking with you. For me, it is 100% continuing on my “soul” practice of meditation and spirituality. But what was it for you? Was it a self-care practice that you put into place that’s really helping you, that you want to take with you? Is it something in your “mind” category that you want to continue on? Or something you’ve been doing for your physical body to feel great? Or what have you been diving into in your relationships and your community that you want more of? Just take a moment to honor that now. So, this is the last moment that we’re really going to process 2021. You can take time on this and really dive into the highs and lows and expand on it for you. But now, before we turn this page, I want you to take a moment and put your hand on your heart and one hand on your legs, open to the sky. I want you to close your eyes and just give 2021 a big “thank you.” Maybe for some of us, 2021 wasn’t the best year. And so, maybe it’s a little bit of a “screw you” to 2021. It’s okay. So much joy can be brought, but so much pain can be brought too. And we need to just really take a moment to say, “thank you” (or the alternative if that’s true for you) and receive whatever is coming to you in this moment. If it’s that confidence and the uncertainty, if it’s the panic and the trust, whatever it is, just allow yourself to receive what’s being downloaded to you now. And now, we are going to realize and say to ourselves, “What’s done is done. What is felt has been felt. And 2021, I release you.” And take a big breath in. A big breath out. And allow 2021 to exit. So, now we’re going to shake it out a little bit. Move your shoulders. Before we step into 2022, we really need to kind of shake it out. I’m actually shaking my whole body because I need to move it around. So now, I want you to turn that page. Maybe some of you want to rip 2021’s—all of what you just wrote—out. Maybe it’s not something that you want to carry with you. Maybe it was a really hard year that you’re ready to let go of. If you want to take those pages and burn it, that’s great. If you want to keep them and reflect back on it, great. But we are going to turn a couple pages forward in your journal to a clean, fresh page. Okay. So, here we come into 2022. So, again, I want you to settle back, wherever you’re sitting, just get comfortable, and close your eyes. And I want you to anchor into that blank page that’s before you. This is an exciting moment where 2022 is anything you want to create. It is a blank page for you to fill with anything and everything that you want in your life. You are choosing what you are taking with you from 2021 and you get to decide what kind of life you want to live and feel into what 2022 could bring for you. And I want you, with your eyes closed here, to ask yourself, “What do I want?” Not just, “What do I want?” but “What do I truly, truly want in my heart and my soul? What do my heart and soul want? What life do I really want to create?” And now I want you to open your eyes and just start writing whatever comes up. For me, when I did this process, I want community. That is something that I really, really want. I want to make an impact. I want to empower. I want to help heal and help people thrive. I want more and more love and I want to give more and more love to my community. And for me, that’s really what I want in 2022. So now, the next prompt that we’re going to use is, often, people say, “What’s your perfect life? What’s the ideal life for you?” But actually, what I want is for us to look at it as “What does an aligned life look for me?” Not a perfect life, but one that feels aligned. One that feels true. One that honors you. Don’t put any limitations on this. Don’t let your brain say, “Oh, but you can’t have that.” When it says that, keep going. Keep writing. Let yourself write what you truly, truly want. What a truly aligned life would look like. A life of balance and ease and calm. What would it look like day to day for you? And just allow yourself to write it all down. For me, an aligned life is really about intentionality, where there’s time for my family, time for kids, time for travel (because I love that), time for work. A life that’s filled with ease and simplicity, that it’s real and it’s natural. A life where I am in community with others. And so, you get to decide what that aligned life looks like for you. And there might be glimpses of it that you’re already doing today. It might be completely different without expectation, without judgement, just let yourself write it all out. And so, now we are going to define three clear goals. I’m going to just call them goals, but they’re really dreams, or those longings that you have inside, in all of our four categories. So, these are the things that you want to create in each area. And be careful to listen for any of those sneakies like “what you should be doing.” This isn’t “should”s. This is things you are longing for. Things that you are dreaming of. We’re going to let those “should”s go. We’re not even going to put them on the three list. But we’re going to just choose them. And as you move through this, I want you to notice what’s happening in your body. Maybe you feel like your body’s smiling. Maybe you feel your heart sort of humming. Allow yourself to let your body point you towards your dreams. When you feel expansive and light and sort of that singing within yourself, that is your heart. That is your longing. That is what we’re going towards here. So, in our first category of “heart,” where we’re talking about, again, friends, family, relationships, home, your physical space, all of those things, what are three dreams, longings, or goals that you have in that area? For me, in this area of “heart,” I want to create a calm and steady life for my family—a safe space for us. I also really want to nourish my friendships with the women that I have in my life. I’m really feeling a deep need to have more connection and deeper connections with women. And I also want to keep a very simplified home and schedule, without clutter, without a lot of extra. Just the necessities and a simplicity. So, what are the things that came up for you when you look at “heart”? And you might get stuck here a little bit, and that’s okay. We’re really wanting to look and allow our intuition to answer these questions. Sometimes I find that when I ask myself a question, I know that the ego’s going to answer first. Those are all those “should”s. But if I sit quietly a minute, then my intuition will speak. And I know it because it comes from a deep, quiet place within me. And maybe there’s only one thing that I want in each of these areas. Maybe there are seven. You get to decide—just trust yourself. But what in each area are you longing for—are you dreaming for—in 2022? So now, we’re going to go to “mind.” And so, what, for you, is one of the three goals or dreams or longings that you have in the category of “mind”? Again, “mind” is all about creation, whether it’s career, things we manifest, money, studies, all of those types of things. So, what are three longings that you have? I know that for myself, I really am longing for abundance within my business. Whether that abundance is—it’s really about impact, investment, being able to have more and step into more abundance in that area. I also really want to focus on and have a longing to increase the reach of this podcast that you’re listening to today. And so, that is a longing and a goal for me to work towards. So, what are the things for you that you’re going to be focusing on? And we’re going to step into the next category of “body” and define three clear goals, dreams, or longings that you have. So, for me, when it came to this, I have a little bit of maybe a love-hate relationship—I shouldn’t say that, but… For me, what came up in this area is really wanting to increase my energy, increase my focus of where I put my attention for my body. And sleep is an area that I really want to continue to work on. I also want to create an aligned diet that’s creative and fun for me—that feels good and is fun for both me and my family. I also want to continue and focus more on intentional exercise that feels aligned with where I’m at. More yoga, more of all the things that fill me up and rejuvenate and refuel my body. And now, we’re going to step into that last category, the category of “soul.” Again, “soul” is all things spirituality, healing, meditation, creativity, therapy, self-care… All of those types of things. And so, I want you to decide on your longings, your dreams, your goals for 2022 as it relates to “soul.” For me, three things came up. It’s definitely a sinking into and a deepening of my meditation practice. It’s cultivating a deeper connection with source for me, whether you call that “God” or “source” or “universe” or whatever. For me, that deeper connection is very much something I’m yearning for. And the third thing that surprised me a little bit that came up in this area is that I want to live without excuse—without excuses and without apologies. To stop saying “I’m sorry” and stand in where I’m at. And so, for you, I want you just again to allow yourself to drive how many there are. Are there one? Are there two? Are there three? Are there five in each area? You get to decide. And you’re going to start to see the actions coming out towards the intentions that you’re creating as we start to see themes that go through each area. This is our intuition pointing us towards how we want to set our intentions for this coming year. So, the next prompt is about boundaries, and I want you to answer this: what is a boundary you need to set for 2022? What is a line that you need to draw? What is something you need to say “no” to? Intention setting isn’t just what we’re saying “yes” to or what we’re calling in, but it is also 100% what we are saying “no” to. What are we letting go of? For me, this boundary is really all around excuses and apologizing. I am saying “no” to making excuses. I am saying “no” to apologizing for my thoughts and my feelings—for dimming my light to keep other people comfortable. And my boundary is to give myself permission to live without the apologies, to own where I am. Obviously, coming from a kind and loving place for myself and others, but really, to stop making the excuses to myself and start saying “no.” So, what’s your boundary that you need to set for 2022? And once you have that, I want you to decide on a self-care practice that you’re taking with you. What is something that has been working in 2021 that you want to take with you into 2022? What has helped you that you are taking as a nonnegotiable—that you are committing to, no matter what? For me, the nonnegotiable is meditation. I’ve seen the impact on my life in the last year, and it is a nonnegotiable to continue on. So, now that we’ve written down all of those things, I want you to just kind of take a moment to read over them, and then I want you to stop and close your eyes and just take a big, deep breath. With your eyes closed, I want you to answer this question: what is your intention for 2022? When we come up with our intention, it’s a clear intention. It’s one sentence. It’s easy to remember. So, I just want you to sit and drop into your heart and ask yourself, “My intention for 2022 is …”? And now, open your eyes and write. It might take a little bit of iteration, but it needs to be simple to say. You know what I decided that mine is? When I looked over my list and I answered this question for myself, I really decided that I need to give myself permission to deepen into my authentic self—that connection. To live in the receiving of the abundance of this amazing universe. I truly, truly believe and continue to see that the universe is always bringing us exactly what it is that we need. We might not like it. We might not see it. But the universe is always transpiring for our good. We can look out at nature and see that this is true, and for me, stepping into this, trusting in the abundance, is really where I want to put my focus. And to stay with myself during the entire process. So, I want you to flip your journal over horizontally, and I want you to write in big, bold letters your intention for 2022. And make sure you put a clear period at the end of it. This intention is our future goal. So, for me, my intention for 2022 is “to stay with myself; to trust abundance; to be with and truly connect to myself, to my source, and to others.” That was a little longer sentence. I did not realize. Maybe yours will be shorter. Whatever it is, it’s something that’s clear, that you can memorize, and that you can keep with you each day. Now that we have our intention, we are going to turn that into affirmations. So, why is this important? Intentions are future goals. It’s where we’re going towards. But for us to retrain our brains, we need affirmations. These are things that are already happening, that are happening now. So, we’re going to restructure our intention so that they are all “I am” statements. And then we do this because we need to be stepping into, yes, where we want to be going, but stepping into it in a present moment. “I am,” not “I will be.” So, depending on whatever your intentions are, you’re going to reframe it, restructure it. It might sound like, “I am here now. I am meeting my own needs. I am taking great care of myself. I am whole.” Any of these things, you get to decide what they are for you. For me, my affirmations are, “I am meeting my own needs. I am love. I am abundant. And I love myself, others, and God.” So, can you see how we take our intention and then we change it to an “I am” statement? For me, that I stay with myself, meaning that I am not going to desert myself, I’m going to show up for myself each and every moment of this year—that is my intention. My affirmation of that is, “I am meeting my own needs.” I am taking great care of myself. Because I am not sacrificing myself and I am not going to desert myself. And I will not betray myself. So I’m taking my intention and restructuring it into an affirmation that I can take with me every day. So, go ahead and write down all of those affirmations. Maybe you want to doodle. Maybe you want to draw some pictures. Add some color. Make it special. This is going to be a page that you come back to over and over and over. And so, the last part of this is finding your word of the year. And I really love this because this is the word that I’m always going to come back to throughout the year. This is the word that is going to guide my choices, my actions, and help me make decisions throughout the year. So, what is the feeling that you want to have embodied when you are sitting in this place at the end of 2022? What’s the feeling that you want to have accomplished? When your 2022 self is closing the chapter on 2022, what is it that you want to have had accomplished and feeling? What have you wanted to have embodied throughout this year? This is going to be something that resonates from your heart. And so, I want you to, in this moment, ask yourself for 2022, “I want …”? What comes up? You can look back over your journal and find it, but this is the word that you are going to tattoo on your brain. It is going to guide you at every crossroads because they will come. We all know that. And we’re going to be able to ask ourselves this question: what choice brings me closer to the word that you have? If your word is “calm”—if that is what you are craving in 2022—the question would be, “What brings me closer to ‘calm’?” And you do that. You come back to this over and over throughout the year, and so it’s important to find the word that really resonates. You’re going to feel it in your heart when you find it. For me, when I looked back over my affirmations and my intentions for this year, my word for 2022 is “integrity.” I want to stay with myself in integrity, in alignment, moving towards consciousness. Deepening connection. And so, for me, that’s what “integrity” looks like. So, what’s your word for 2022? What is that word that you are going to tattoo on your brain, that you are going to take with you, and that you are going to use to guide you at each step? And so, now you have your word of the year. You have your intentions. And you have your affirmations. And this is something that we can journal on each morning, meditate with, start our day with, and again, bring us back to, “What brings me closer to (whatever your word is, whatever your intention is for 2022)?” And it might not have all come out in this setting. Maybe you need to revisit this and do it one more time, and that’s okay. Sometimes it takes me a little bit of time to come up with things. Sometimes it comes quicker. But just allow yourself the space to decide what it is that you need. So, that is our intention setting for 2022. My hope is that through this exercise, that you’re setting yourself up with almost like a personal GPS of sorts—a guidance system to help you navigate the year coming up. It’s going to help you step in to being the woman and the mom and the co-parent that you want to be and creating forward movement in your life towards what you want. It is going to create intentionality. And listen, I know that the life that you might be living right this moment doesn’t look that way or doesn’t feel the way that you want it to. And that’s okay. The way that you feel today will change. The pain that you’re feeling today will heal. This will pass. And we help ourselves by stepping into aligned action. We help ourselves by being intentional with the choices that we make, by the thoughts that we’re thinking, by the feelings that we’re creating. So, often, we sit, and we’re waiting for someone to come and rescue us. But the truth of the matter is, you are the knight in shining armor. You are the one who is going to rescue you by stepping intentionally towards the life that you want. By setting down what you don’t want. Setting down the weights that are holding you back. And deciding to step into the life that you want to have. Let 2022 be the year that you decide to give yourself permission to want and desire and think and feel differently. You are 100% worth it, and you are completely capable of creating the life that you are dreaming of. I know that this is true. If you want any accountability with your intentions for 2022, if you’ve gotten stuck at all, just email me at [email protected] or DM me on Instagram, @MikkiGardner. You are not alone. We are in this together. And if you know someone who could really benefit from this process, from this exercise, I’d be so grateful if you’d just share it. Just take a screenshot and share it on Instagram and tag me, and I will for sure share the love back. But as we say goodbye to 2021, I want to say how grateful I am for you—for you listening and for being here with me. Remember that you are loved and worthy and complete exactly as you are in this moment. And I am sending you so much love and I can’t wait to see you next year in 2022. Thanks for listening to Co-Parenting with Confidence. If you want more information or resources from this podcast, visit CoParentingwithConfidence.com. I’ll see you next week.