Ep #39: How to Get Clarity

I'm Mikki Gardner, and this is the Co-parenting with Confidence podcast, episode number 39: How to Get Clarity. [music] Welcome to Co-parenting with Confidence, a podcast for those courageous moms out there who wanna move past the conflict and frustration of divorce and show up as the mom they truly wanna be. My name's Mikki Gardner, I'm a Certified Life and Conscious Parenting Coach with my own personal dose of co-parenting experience. Throughout my co-parenting parenting journey, I have learned to become confident in who I am as a woman and a mother, and I'm here to help you do the same. If you're ready to learn what it takes to become a great co-parent and an amazing example to your children, well get ready, and let's dive into today's episode. Welcome friend, thank you for joining me today. And if you're new to the podcast welcome, I'm super glad that you're here and that you found us. Today is gonna be a little bit different, it's gonna be a lot shorter. So I have so many moms reach out over on Instagram, and I know the women that I work with each and every day, they find themselves really struggling. Maybe they're feeling trapped, waiting for their ex's next temper tantrum that's gonna wreak havoc on their life. Maybe frustrated with how the other co-parent is parenting her kids, right? Do you find yourself struggling not to yell at your kids, especially when they act like the other co-parent? Maybe you're frustrated that no matter how hard you try, you end up taking the bait, and ending up in a nasty grim exchange with your ex. Maybe you can't remember the last time you had a moment to yourself when your kids were with you, but just a moment of peace. Maybe you don't feel like you can do what you want with your kids because you're just sitting around waiting for your ex to agree or not agree. Maybe you're just hoping things will change, the communication will get better, that he'll start cooperating. And maybe you're saying, "Are you kidding me? All of the above." What I wanted to talk to you today, is that you're not alone and that there is help. And that's why I wanted to offer you a gift. A gift of clarity. We listen to the podcast, we read the books, we do the work, but sometimes we need more help, doing it on our own isn't enough. And often we don't know where to turn, we don't know who to look to, and that's why I wanted to do this podcast so that you know that you have somewhere to turn and that I'm here for you. If you're like, "Don't even go any further Mikki, I'm ready. I need some help, I'm all in." Well, great. Go in the show notes and click "There's a Clarity Call" link, where you can sign up and you get a free no strings attached call with me, where we're gonna pinpoint at least one area that you're struggling with and find you an actionable plan to move forward to feel less frustration, anger, resentment, and be a more confident, better mom today. If you're a little undecided, no worries, let's talk about it. So often I hear women saying, "You know, I just have to wait for things to settle down, then I can change" or "I just need him to chill out and then things will be better", or "When things slow down at work, then I can really invest in myself, then I can take the time." Or maybe "I'm hoping that things are gonna get better, if I just give it a little bit of space, I'm hoping time is really gonna heal their wounds." Well, here's what I know: Being ready isn't a feeling, it's a decision. And hoping isn't a strategy. If there's one thing that I have come to learn with great assurance, it's that we can't wait around for things to change. The way that it works in the world, is that we change and then everything follows. It's the law of cause and effect. But basically, we have to change, we have to be willing to change, willing to do something different, and then the universe follows, it brings us everything we need behind that. But we have to be willing to go first. But so often we get this backwards, so if we're not happy with the results that we have in our life. If we are stuck in a cycle that we don't want, a pattern that we can't seem to break free of, we have to be willing to do something different. If we want a different result, we have to back it up. We have to act differently, we have to feel differently, and we have to think differently. And when I say "be different", I really mean all those things. Being for me, equals thinking, feeling, and acting, it's a holistic view of how we're shaping and showing up in our lives, so that's really where we start at the very beginning with our thoughts. So what most people don't realize is that the actions you take or don't take are actually driven by who you're being. Again, being as your beliefs, your thoughts, your feelings, and that's what creates your actions. Our core beliefs are at the root of everything that we see and the world is just reflected back to us, the people that we meet are just mirrors holding up the reflection of the beliefs that we hold. Many times we aren't even aware of these beliefs that we have or how profoundly they're impacting our thoughts and our feelings, and our actions, really shaping our life. And when we're not aware of it, or we have all of these conflicting beliefs, it might be like we're driving a car but we have one foot down on the gas pedal, but we also have one on the break and we're pushing them both because we're just unclear what to do, and we end up stuck in a rut because it just gets deeper and deeper and deeper. Can you relate to what I'm saying? So how do we get out of this? Well, again, if we want things to be different, we have to be willing to change, we have to be willing to go first, we have to be willing to do something different to get a different result, and that starts with our thinking. One of my very favorite quotes is from A Course in Miracles, and it asks, "Am I willing to see this differently?" And what that means to me is, am I willing to let go of the story that I'm holding on to? Am I willing to let go of who I think this other person is, who the other co-parent might be? Am I willing to see that there might be a different perspective that I'm not aware of? Am I willing just to consider that I could see this differently? So often we think that the thoughts and the beliefs that we have are just the truth. And we can't see anything beyond them, we can't see options, we can't see other perspectives, and this is when we're very, very, very stuck. And this is what I found out from my own life, is where coaching comes in. My whole life shifted when I experience good coaching, and it changed everything for me. Coaching helps us create a new perspective. It shifts our mindset from the problems to the solution. What we need when we are looking for clarity, when we wanna know what is the next step? What is the next right thing? How else could I see this? We need a fresh perspective. We need fresh eyes to help us see a solution. So often I think about it, it's like you can't see the forest for the trees when you're in it. And that's why you need someone alongside of you to help you offer a different perspective, to see your thinking from a different angle, to see where you may be getting in your own way, where you may be staying stuck, where you may have beliefs that actually don't even reflect what you believe in the world. You have beliefs that don't reflect how you wanna live in this world, and so they're in competition, and this is where it is crucial to surround yourself with people who have navigated the waters that you're in. I remember when I was going through my divorce, I didn't have anybody, I didn't have any friends that were divorced, I didn't have a coach, I did have a therapist, thank goodness. I didn't have any family, and I really was sort of stuck in my own not knowing what the options were. And that's why when I eventually found coaching through doing a lot of work on my own, it was so profound because I had this fresh perspective. I had someone who could look and talk to me from the rear view mirror because their rear view was my today. And so that's what I wanna offer you is, you're not alone, you're not alone in this. And I am here to offer you a clarity call. Again it's totally free, there's no strings attached, but it's to give you some time for you to say, "I'm ready to do something different, I'm ready to say yes to myself, I'm ready to say enough with doing the same thing over and over and over and getting the same results. Enough with blaming the other person, let's just get on with it. Let's figure it out." Marie Forleo has a book out and she always says, "Everything is figureoutable", her mom taught her that, and I love that, because when we have that perspective, when we have that mindset, we are really solution-focused. That's when we are willing to see things differently, and that's what I wanna help you do. I believe so strongly in the power of community and women supporting women, I've done all of this work in my own life, and I know how impactful it is, I do it each and every day with my clients, and I am deeply passionate about helping as many women as I can feel better and more confident after their divorce. You do not have to do this alone. If you are unsure where to start, but you know you wanna shift something, give yourself this gift. Just use the show notes, click on the link, and give yourself a clarity call. We're going to help you find at least one area that you are holding yourself back or have expectations that are holding you down, and we are gonna help you take actionable steps to move forward and feel better today. And if I'm not the person to help you, there are so many amazing people out there, amazing resources. Please find someone, please reach out because there is help. You are worthy of having the most amazing abundant life. And I know sometimes it's hard to believe this, and in our current situation, it doesn't seem like it's possible, but it is true. I know it to be true. I'm gonna keep holding this belief for you until you're ready to carry it yourself, but just know that you are not alone, I'm here to be your coach, your mentor, and your biggest supporter as you heal and grow. So please take this gift, schedule a clarity call, experience coaching, and see what it can do for you and how you might be able to see things differently. Thank you so much for spending time with me today. I'll see you next week, and in the meantime, take really, really good care of you friend. [music] Thanks for listening to Co-parenting with Confidence. If you want more information or resources from this podcast, visit coparentingwithconfidence.com. I'll see you next week.