Ep #74: A Conversation with Wendy Sterling

[music] Mikki: Welcome to Co-Parenting with Confidence, a podcast for those courageous moms out there who wanna move past the conflict and frustration of divorce and show up as the mom they truly wanna be. My name's Mickey Gardner. I'm a certified life and conscious parenting coach, with my own personal dose of co-parenting experience. Throughout my co-parenting journey, I have learned to become confident in who I am as a woman and a mother. And I'm here to help you do the same. If you're ready to learn what it takes to become a great co-parent and an amazing example to your children, well get ready and let's dive into today's episode. Mikki: Oh, hello friend. Welcome back to the Co-Parenting with Confidence podcast. Thank you for joining me today. We have a really special conversation. Listen, I know there's so many amazing podcasts you could be listening to, and that you are here with me makes me so grateful. So thank you. And if you're new here, I'm excited that you found us. This podcast is intended to bring you new perspectives, a whole lot of encouragement, and a ton of love. So sometimes I bring on experts, and when I do, one thing you can be sure of is that what they all have in common is a beautiful soul and a mission to support kids and families in showing up as the best versions of themselves. And today's guest is such a gorgeous example of hope and possibility and change. Wendy Sterling is here. She's an international bestselling author, leading divorce empowerment coach, and the founder of The Divorce Rehab. Mikki: She really helps women who are having trouble moving forward or are tired of feeling stuck in the pain, fear, resentment, anger and guilt, and ready to find joy, self-worth, and freedom. Who doesn't want that? Wendy is a certified professional co-active coach and divorce specialist. And she also is an advanced ThetaHealer and sound healer, and she's the host of her very own podcast, the Divorced Women's Guide. Wow. She wears a lot of hats and I'm so excited that she decided to be here with us to share her thoughts and perspective on divorce and co-parenting. So without further ado, let's take a listen. Welcome back, and I am so excited that today we have the one and only Wendy Sterling here. Hi, Wendy. Wendy: Hi. How are you? Mikki: I'm good. And I am so excited to be able to talk with you and to share you with my audience. And so thank you for coming today. Wendy: Of course. Thank you for inviting me. It's an honor to be here. Mikki: Oh, good. So I talked a little bit at the beginning, gave them all those high level details of who you are and why you're here, and how lucky we are to be chatting with you. But I would love to just hear from you, in your words, sort of tell us a little bit about you and what you do and how you got here. Wendy: Absolutely. So my story begins about... Goodness, it was about six and a half years ago where I was driving home in the car with my now ex-husband. We had been married for about 15 years, and we were driving home from a couple's night out. And lo and behold, as we were driving home very late at night, his cell phone didn't just ring once, it rang five times. And it was a female colleague who was calling him, someone that I thought was a friend. And in that moment, I realized thanks to the punch that I got in my gut, that was pretty, pretty hard, that they were indeed more than just friends. And that night forever changed me. It forever changed the dynamic of my family. And clearly as I refer to him as my ex-husband, we are now divorced. My boys were seven and 10 at the time. And it was one of those moments where I was just smacked upside the head and told to wake up. I had spent 15 years in a marriage of codependency where I was a people pleaser, I sought external validation, I couldn't see my own reflection unless I saw it through the eyes of my ex-husband. And so it was one of those moments that I realized that it was time for me to wake up and to start living life for myself. Wendy: I went on a journey. I had been in individual therapy. My ex-husband and I were actually in couples therapy as well. And it just... It was helping me to sort through some things about my past and actually to understand that I had perpetuated a similar relationship and existence in my marriage as I had when I was growing up. Where it was, fit in, sit, pretty smile, look to others to portray who it is that you're supposed to be. And I brought that into my marriage and therapy really helped me to do that. However, I was in this place of, okay, well now what, what do I do with this? And that moment in the car was a rude awakening for me to start remembering that my intuition has always been very spot on. Wendy: It has always been very, very just aligned with the universe. And I forgot. And so in that moment, it was the first time that I really started trusting and leaning into that. And so I decided to start opening my eyes and paying attention. And lo and behold, I saw a Facebook post from a friend who started talking about life coaching and how it's all about the now and where it is that you wanna go. And I thought, what is this? This is so fascinating where I wanna go. I don't even know how to know where I wanna go, but maybe somebody else can show me. And lo and behold, that's how I landed myself into the world of life coaching. I not only hired a coach, I also got certified as one. I started reading a ton of not just self-help books, but also learning about spirituality and signs from the universe. Wendy: And all of this just started accelerating my healing process. And I realized that there was something really special about all these different modalities that I was allowing myself to tap into and to help me heal my heart, and to really start re-energizing my spirit and for me to start putting one foot in front of the other confidently. And so I decided that not only was I ready to end my marriage, that that was my choice, but that I was also ready to stop living a career that honestly I was good at, but it sucked the life out of me. And so I decided to file for divorce a few months later, quit my job in corporate and decided to form my company, which is called The Divorce Rehab, and decided to put together my own proprietary methodology that helps women walk down the aisle from I do to I'm divorced, and to help heal their hearts in the process. Wendy: And it's a modality that incorporates mind, body, and spirit or soul, however you identify that part of you with. And it's been a game changer for me. It's been a game changer for my clients. And I say that my divorce was a gift..., I say that it really helped me to open my eyes and to start realizing what I'm truly capable of instead of relying on my ex-husband as my crutch. So the inspiration that I try to give my clients is really through my own personal experience. And I'm standing here on the other side now, again, this is now six and a half years later., but even just two years later, I was standing in a powerful place of ending my marriage, creating a six figure entrepreneurial business, and really just getting to know myself again. So here we are. Mikki: Ah, well, ladies, you know why I wanted to talk to Wendy today. Right, you have such a, just a great example of the... Wendy: Thank you. Mikki: Out of the ashes. Right? New things can come. And I always love to spotlight women that are examples because I'm sure you know and you see with your clients, and I know, I see with mine that it's the loneliest journey. And we really feel all alone, especially when there is betrayal, when there is infidelity, when there is trauma. And in the marriage, the level of rejection and isolation is just overwhelming and suffocating. And so it's important, I think, to be able to put forward examples of women who have walked the walk and are living, breathing examples of possibility. And so I'm really grateful that you're here and that you're so willing to share your story with us. Wendy: Yeah, of course. Thank you. I know, I couldn't agree more. I mean, all my friends were married. I'm the first person in my family to get divorced, and it was, it took me two weeks to tell my parents, not because I'm not close to them, I'm super tight With them. I just, I was so ashamed and I didn't know where to go. I didn't know what to do. And I just wanna echo that the, the need for community, the need for support, not family and friends, but from people that understand that isolation, the betrayal, the pain, the trauma that you are experiencing. Because unless you've been through or are going through it, you truly cannot understand The depth of grief that, that you are going through. Mikki: Absolutely. I hope that this conversation today, really, we can, just shed some light on that and so that everyone out there who's listening feels less alone. I was just on a call with a woman yesterday that that level of shame, right? Has kept her for two years now, not moving forward with a divorce that she knows needs to happen. Right? And so I love that you mentioned your intuition, right? Because I think for me, the same thing happened, right? We, what do they say that, God or the universe, it'll bring you a pebble and then a speed bump and then, a brick wall. So it's your choice which one you listen to. Wendy: Exactly. So true. It's like that joke that it's like, where, you're waiting for a sign from God and God's like, well, I brought you a boat, I brought you a ship. I brought you a life raft and you chose to sink. Mikki: Exactly. Wendy: When are you gonna wake up? So yeah. Mikki: So talk to me a little bit about, that intuition, because I always love getting other people's sort of spin on it, right? What is it? Because oftentimes we're so disconnected, like you said, from the people pleasing, from sort of being a certain version of ourselves that we don't even know to listen or can't even hear it. So I'd love to hear your thoughts on that. Wendy: Yeah. You're talking to somebody who's a type A personality. Mikki: Oh, me too. Me too. Wendy: Totally in control. Right? Mikki: Me too. Wendy: And listening to my intuition was just one of those things that I'm like, but how do I know? And me wanting to like, be like, okay, I'm gonna take notes and it's gonna be exactly this. And, and honestly it's something that is individual to everybody. I love teaching how to pay attention to your intuition. So many times we think it's led by our mind, which is actually your ego. And that is not your intuition. It is anything but that. Your ego is leading from fear. It is not leading from your truth, from love. And so the way that I teach and, really have learned what my true intuitive voice is telling me, is really that lens of love. It's really digging into, wait, what is the truth here? And understanding that it starts with a bodily feeling, right? Like I said, I all of a sudden, like in the car, my head went, wait, what? And then, but it was after my body went boom, it was like this punch that I felt, and I know where in my body and the feeling of it. Wendy: I know when that's my intuition versus when it's my ego, it's actually usually in my throat... And so I can distinguish within my own body where it is that is my truth versus what's my head and my ego. And so distinguishing that is step number one. Step number two is just getting curious about it. Right? And like, listening, wait, what is going on here? Like, what is the truth? What am I hearing? What is in my highest and best? And really learning how to communicate with a higher power. I'm not, I'm not super religious, but I am super spiritual. So I will have conversations with, be it God, universe, my spirit guides, my angels. And I will ask questions. I will ask questions, listen for answers. Wait for signs that I've declared on what I am to be shown when I know what my answer is. Wendy: And so there's ways that you can go about learning how to do this. And for me too, like I've been highly intuitive since I was a little girl. I remember there was an experience that I had where I came home and I told my mom all about my friend, and my mom was like, yeah, that is your imaginary friend. And interestingly, when I was doing... I'm also a certified advanced ThetaHealer and so I do energy work. And when I was in a session with one of my mentors, she saw my, as my mom called my imaginary friend, name, description, everything. And he's been my spirit guide since I was a little girl. And so I, and I just got goosebumps. Mikki: I did too. Wendy: And so it was one of those moments where I was like, okay, I wasn't crazy as a child. Like I was so, and, and I love my parents and they didn't understand that world. I was always kind of like this interesting object, right? Like, I had an interesting different career. I was in the digital space. They were like, yeah, Wendy does something online. I was always kind of like that. Like I was always doing something different. And I used to see it as a flaw. And it's something that I've come to embrace. And really I've been able to not only use it for myself, I use it when I work with my clients and I teach them how to tap into it themselves because it's a gift. Mikki: It is a gift. Wendy: And everybody has the possibility and the potential to tap into that. It just, it just takes some practice and it takes learning how to do it for yourself. Mikki: I love that you said all of that and I couldn't agree more. I remind clients all the time that our head and our thoughts will lie to us all day long. Because that's what it does. But our body never, ever, ever will. And so, like you just said, to be able to tap into that and just to, for a practical too, I think sometimes it's helpful. You mentioned the ego, right? Versus your intuition. And I heard this from Jess Lively once, and it really hit home for me. And so I do share it often, is that the ego always sounds like a fire hydrant, right? Just spewing water at you 24/7, you can't shut it off and you try to drink from it, you'll choke. Right? It's just too much where intuition is more like a well that you have to walk over slowly lower the pail, bring it back up and then you see it. And so I've always, that's always for me, been really helpful of distinguishing between at least sort of thoughts and the voice, so to speak, is always kind of a helpful energy to come from. Wendy: Yeah, I love that metaphor. I think that's really beautiful and I think it's super accurate. Our ego, what's interesting though is that our ego's actually trying it, it actually has our best interest in mind. It's just going about it the wrong way. Right? So it's like, I know you're thirsty and it just like throws that water at you and you're just like, too much. Too much, right? And so, the only thing I'd put on that is that like, it knows you're dehydrated and it's trying to help you. It's just doing it in the wrong way, that's the little add-on that I would just throw into that because... Mikki: I love that. Wendy: I don't think a lot of people understand that. Like your ego is actually like., it's really trying to help you. It's just not doing it in the right way. Mikki: So in all your work that you do, 'cause you have a vast sort of all the modalities as you mentioned that you use. So I'd love to hear about sort of those steps that you work with and what do you see as some of the maybe one or two really big struggles for moms and women through divorce? Wendy: Yeah. So, I'll start with the latter question and then I'll talk through my steps because it's really, it's, it's exactly what I struggled with and it's what all my clients struggle with too. So the biggest struggle that I hear moms tell me is twofold, right? Number one, it has to do with fear. And number two, it has to do with feeling stuck. And they have everything to do with one another because when you are in fear, you tend to stay stuck. And the struggle that ends up happening as a result of those two things is that we just wind up being very poor communicators. And so a lot of what I teach in the five step program is really all rooted in learning how to communicate, communicate with yourself, and to communicate with others. And so the five step program that I have put together that, REHAB is an acronym, the R is all about reclaiming your identity and voice. So that is how can you expect to communicate with someone if you're not speaking from a true and authentic place. Wendy: So what are your values? How do you allow your values to make decisions for you, to create the thoughts that you have and ultimately create boundaries with the people in your life. You can't go about figuring out who the heck you are until you actually know what makes you tick and the ways in which you feel safe interacting with the people around you and learning how to communicate that externally. Step number two is the E which is about ending your victim mindset and your pity party. So this is where we come from a place of communicating from anger, bitterness, resentment. You are coming from, negative negativity, judgment. That's how your language sounds, that's where you tend to communicate from. If any of your listeners are like me, I called it, I had the volcano effect. So I would have amazing conversations in my head expecting my ex-husband to hear me, to understand, because we've known each other for 20 years, why doesn't he get me by now? Right? That was what I told myself. And then instead of communicating my feelings and my emotions upfront, what I would do instead is just like, explode at him. And it was because I kept living in this victim mindset. Wendy: Life was being done to me. He was hurting me instead of me actually taking ownership and communicating what it was that I needed. So it's important to understand and distinguish what it is that you're saying to yourself, how it is that you're communicating it externally and coming from love instead of fear. The H is all about healing wounds, as you know very well. There are a lot of wounds that you are working through when you get divorced. Right? You're mourning the loss of your marriage, your best friend, your dreams, your financial security for some people, retirement, travel, grandkids, events, whatever. The list goes on and on and on. And so the grief process when you are healing your wounds, really requires you to understand what self-care looks like. The only way you're gonna heal is if you start putting yourself first. Wendy: And if you or any of your listeners again, are like me, I put myself last all the time. And it was why, the H and the E were so hard for me because I didn't know how to take care of myself. Because when I did, I thought that I was being selfish. I thought that I was taking time away from my kids, my family, my husband, and I thought that my ex-husband should be the one to say, "Wendy, go take a day. Go take an hour or two." And I just stood there waiting for him to gift me with self-care. So the H is really about leaning into the emotions and what it is that you're going through. Right. I say the shortcut to heal your pain is leaning into and going through them head first and making sure that you are taking care of yourself in that process. Wendy: What is also important in that H process is also building back up your self-esteem and your self-worth, which are fostered through your ability to self-care. So healing is not just your mind and your physicality, but it's also what it is that you are feeling inside of you and how it is that you are energetically presenting yourself in the world. That then lends into the A, which is all about finding acceptance through accountability. And so so many people say like, I just wanna move on, the unstuck, I just wanna move forward. Mikki: Sure. Wendy: And you've gotta go through these steps to get to that A, which is really around understanding that marriage takes two people and you get to own a hundred percent of your 50. For example, I could sit here and say, well, I did this for, a good while where I would look at him and say, "Well, you're the problem. You broke up our family." Mikki: Sure. Wendy: "You ruined our marriage." No, he just made a really bad choice, right? And it took me a while to understand that, wait a second, how I showed up didn't make him feel good, vice versa. But I made my choices in how I decided to manage that with him. And so I had to look at myself in the mirror and go, yeah, Wendy, you picked fights, you were passive aggressive and you kept quiet instead of opening your mouth. And so, while I will never take responsibility for his choice and how he chose to deal with what he was feeling, I do take responsibility for how I showed up in the marriage. And that is a huge part of the acceptance piece and having somebody to hold you accountable for that. So it's not about punishing or judging yourself for how you showed up. Wendy: It's about, okay, well now that I have awareness around this, let's begin being mindful, okay? How am I not gonna do this again? What gets to happen from here so that I don't duplicate this? This is the step that so many women who do not do the work after divorce wind up attracting the same person, creating the same dynamics in another marriage and getting divorced second, third time. This part of accountability is so crucial and we are our own worst accountability partners. And so having somebody to essentially call you out, help you own your side of the street is crucial to healing and creating your new life, which is what the B stands for. And that is about building that new foundation, call it, building, from a blank canvas. And really leaning into the vision of what it is that you want life to look like moving forward. Wendy: And that comes with, I love kind of teasing it this way, right? It starts with the F word and it's not the F word everyone's thinking. It's forgiveness. And it's about forgiving yourself. And if you don't forgive yourself, you are not gonna build from a solid foundation. And so I spent a lot of time teaching about how I learned forgiveness, because this was really hard for me. It took me a long time to wrap my mind around self-forgiveness and just forgiveness as a whole. And I know how hard it can be for a lot of us and it's crucial again to rebuild your life. So that's my program. Mikki: Oh, I love it. I love how it's such a beautiful sort of walk down what all the steps that need to happen. Wendy: Thank you. Mikki: And there's so many things that I could... That I wanna talk about during that and I think a couple points that I wanna point out is, that forgiveness piece is a huge one, right? And I just did a podcast on that. That will be out a couple episodes before this one because it is such a crucial part of the journey. Right? But all too often we think that it is this free pass or a condoning of the other person. Wendy: Yep. Mikki: Or a beating ourselves up or a way to hold ourselves accountable, so to speak, by not allowing forgiveness when really it's the key that unlocks all of it. And so I love that you brought that up. I also wanted to point out, I think you're a hundred percent spot on that it's not about blame, but it's about taking ownership and realizing that we co-create every single relationship that we're in. Wendy: Yes. Mikki: We are not victims to life. Are we victims at times? 1000%. Are there awful things that happen in the world? Absolutely. But in a marriage and in relationships, we are constantly co-creating that. And so to have the awareness to be able to look at that with an honest, sort of, without judgment, but look back so that you can break those patterns. Wendy: Yeah. I love that. We are, we are co-creators of our life, whether that be in relationships with the universe, whatever it is. And if you're not looking at it from a lens of ownership and also from a lens of seeing what the lessons are, right. If you don't own that you are a co-creator, then how are you gonna know how to do it differently next time? Right. You know, I love that. Mikki: So, again, why are we talking about this? Well, it's always to show possibility, always to offer encouragement and to offer tools and strategies to move forward. So I'm curious sort of, where are you and your ex-husband now? Wendy: Such a good question. He and I, interestingly, so I'm gonna say where we were because it's important to know where we were to understand what major accomplishments have been made to get to where we are today. And it also gets to speak to the fact that you never know. You never know what it's gonna evolve into. So when we first separated, it was not pretty. I barely wanted to speak to him. I wanted nothing to do with him as it related to helping him. We were very much parallel parenters, you know, and again, I always say parallel parenting is a form of co-parenting and it was as hands-off from one another as possible. I would only email, I would not text him, I would not call him because it was too charged for me. Wendy: And I remember my best friend saying to me, well, you never know 'cause it was very frustrating that here we were and this was my best friend since I was 18 and here we were, me, literally despising him. And she was like, "Wendy, you never know. You never know." And I was like, "oh, I know we are never speaking again." Like as soon as our kids are 18, I'm done. Right. Like, I just had this attitude of no way. And fast forward a couple of years as I am learning about myself as I am working on myself, as I am understanding that I only have control over myself and also starting to see that when I show up differently, so did he, and understanding the power that I had in co-creating, I'll use your word, co-creating our co-parenting relationship. Wendy: And there was a moment I, again, investing in myself, I went through a leadership program that was game-changing for me. And that program allowed me to really embrace and understand how I was still trying to punish him for the mistakes that he made that were revealed to me during our divorce process. And in that I was able to not only finally get to a place where I truly forgave myself, but I also forgave him. And it was because I finally understood that he did his best with his toolkit that he had and he didn't know any better. He didn't have the tools to make a better choice, or I shouldn't say better, but to make a different choice, and I similarly had my toolkit and I made my mistakes. And it was just this beautiful moment. And literally from that day forward, we have been better friends now than we probably were the last, I would say, five years of our marriage. Wendy: We talk all the time and it's not just always about our kids, we literally run everything by each other as it relates to our children. And it is so much easier. My life is so much easier. I'm not carrying the energy, the negative energy or those heavy blocks in my bag anymore. And it's funny, if I may just share a quick little story. My ex and I, we were volunteering at our older son's school for an event this past weekend. It's one of their big fundraisers and he had an earlier shift and we kind of overlapped and I had mine later. And it was interesting because he and I were just chit-chatting before he took off. And I happened to be doing like ticket sales, like I was manning the ticket booth and so he, I was, being very engaging with the people coming up, "hello, how are you? Welcome. How can I help you?" Wendy: And I just was being myself, like I'm... This is who I am. And it was interesting 'cause I could see my ex-husband kind of out of the corner of my eye and like, just, he was smiling and I was like, oh, he's probably like seeing new Wen, right? Like, I love when he sees this new version, not new, but like this shiny version of me. Right? And when everybody had left, he just looked at me, he's like, he's like, "Is this how you are all the time? Or is that just... " and I was like, "No, this is just who I am." Like I love meeting people. Like I love connecting and you know, and he just, he just looked at me and he just did this like smile and like the shaking of the head. Right? Wendy: And it's so interesting because his energy is still the same. And it's interesting how when you shift right? You just start seeing the other person as like, it's like my glasses got wiped clean during the process. And I used to get all, why haven't you changed? What's wrong with you? And I just now I just, I'm just like, yeah, that's just who he is, you know? And I don't try to change him. I don't try to influence him. He was also asking me for advice on what to do about something having to do with our son. And I just kept saying to him like, "It's your parenting weekend, it's your choice. This is my position and it's your choice." And he just kept poking me at it. And finally I just said to him, I was like, "Are you asking me to make this decision for you because I'm not going to, I'm not your wife, I'm not making this decision. It's your choice, it's your weekend." And he just was like, yeah, it'd be a lot easier if you'd make it for me. And I'm like, well, I'm not like, I'm not here to make his life easier. Wendy: I'm here to support and co-parent, but I'm not here to make his choices. And again, that's something that, four years ago I would've been like, "Yes, I have the power." And now I'm just like, yeah, I don't want it. Like I just, that's what's possible for anybody. And if I may just say one last thing, just because your relationship looks the way that it is today, and maybe it's not what you want, it doesn't mean that that is what your relationship is gonna look like in six months, in a year, in two years. It gets to look, however, allows you to show up as your best self where you're able to put your kids in the center and not in the middle of your divorce. So that is the most important piece. And to just remember that, your kids get to have their own relationship with their parents. They don't get to have the lens of yours as a spouse. So to remember to keep that separate. Mikki: Yeah. I think that's an incredibly valuable point to make. Right? Because we have to be very careful. We're constantly influencing people with our energy, with what we're bringing. You know, it's, we don't see it, but it's always there with us. And so it's really separating that and doing that intentionally is so crucial. So as much as I think we could talk for hours and hours here, I have to be respectful of time for the listeners. Wendy: Yes. Mikki: And you, but I'd love for you to give maybe one tangible way that somebody could start, right? Like you said, it doesn't mean whatever it is today doesn't mean that it will always be. So if there was one area to focus on, what would that be? Wendy: Honestly, I would say to really understand what it is that you are feeling in this moment. Not anger, not sadness. Like what is it that's underneath because it's what's holding you back. And the best way to figure that out, I believe, is through asking yourself like, what are your values? Like honestly, this is the heartbeat of your identity. It is who it is that you are. One of the easiest ways to figure out what your value is, is think about something that really pisses you off. Right. I can't stand when I am lied to. So guess what my number one value is, honesty. Mikki: Yep. Wendy: Which has evolved into integrity for me now. But think about that and start looking at how it is that you're choosing to feel in relation to that value and start making some changes and aligning yourself with that value. Because that's what's creating the dissonance for you. That's what's creating whatever that emotion is that's coming in from underneath. And it's honestly, it is your first step towards understanding who it is that you are and getting you on your path to healing as quickly as possible. Mikki: Oh, I love that. So I have one more question before we talk about how they can find you, 'cause I want them all to know and about the amazing spoiler alert book she just had come out. So I wanna talk about that. This podcast is called Co-Parenting with Confidence. So I would love for you to define confidence, what it means to you and how it shows up. Wendy: Absolutely. So I love this question and to me, confidence is defined as you showing up authentically as you. So being you, that takes courage, it takes vulnerability. It also takes you knowing that you are so incredibly special. No one else is you, you are unique and everything that makes you you is somebody that the world deserves to get to know and to do so intentionally. Mikki: I love that answer. Great answer, Wendy. Wendy: Thanks. Mikki: So tell us about the book and where people can find you. Wendy: Yes. My book is, oh, I was just, yeah, I was about to show it and then I realized... Mikki: No, you didn't show me. [laughter] Mikki: Oh, we'll put it in the show notes. Wendy: Here's my book. Mikki: It's gorgeous. Wendy: It's special to me, my book is called Divorce Sucks. Now What? And it's available on Kindle and also on Paperback on Amazon. And it talks about the five steps to find yourself and heal after going from "I do" to "I'm divorced" and the book is really special to me because it not only shares my story and my journey, which comes out in the five steps that we talked about today, but it also talks about the journey of my mom who was diagnosed with ovarian cancer on the same day that I actually asked for a divorce. It was within hours. And so in the same day I learned that my two rocks of my life were departing in a different timeline. And so my mom and I actually walked a very parallel path and we gave one another the courage and the strength to really fight and to stay present and to find the courage within to walk through our journeys and to see that life is now and it's time to live. Wendy: And so the book has a heart that... It shows that it's sort of, it's exploding but in a like a tear... Like there's multiple tears and there's a butterfly in the center of it. And that's because my mom sends me butterflies and my divorce and my mom's cancer journey were really true metamorphosis for the two of us. My mom is serving me in a very highway where she is. She passed away last January and... Mikki: I'm sorry. Wendy: Thank you, she's still with me and I know that she is supporting me and I've gotten to see the metamorphosis in how that relationship has transpired with her passing on. And so, I encourage everybody to read the book and there's a lot of great lessons in there. You can also get more information from it as it relates to your healing process. So it's a really, I believe a really beautiful story and lots of good nuggets in there. Mikki: It absolutely is. And I will have everything in the show notes to make it super easy. And what is your website or where can they find you on Instagram? Wendy: Yeah, so, you can find me at both my websites. So my book website is, divorcesucksnowwhat.com. And then my business website is wendysterling.net. And my social handle across all social media is Divorce Rehab with Wendy and I'm on Facebook, TikTok, Instagram. Mikki: Look at you... Wendy: Kids everywhere. Mikki: Wow. You're everywhere. Wendy: You gotta be on them all this time. You know, it's like I'm everywhere. So. Mikki: I'm like a tech dinosaur. I just do one thing and I'm out. Wendy: Yeah. You know, I come from the digital space from my past life in corporate. So tech is not so scary for me. It's more just, it's like, wait, I have to be where what's new? What do we have to do now? Mikki: Oh. I give you all the credit to that one. So... Wendy: Thank you. Mikki: Well, thank you so much for coming on today. I really appreciate you being so vulnerable and honest and sharing with us because I know this is really gonna help the person who's listening and she will know this and it will warm her heart and give her possibility and hope and thank you for sharing that. Wendy: Of course. Thank you for having me. It was a pleasure to be here. Mikki: Thanks for listening to Co-Parenting with Confidence. If you want more information or resources from this podcast, visit co-parentingwithconfidence.com. I'll see you next week. [music]