Ep #45: A Conversation on Healthy Communication with Jaime Morgan

Mikki: I'm Mikki Gardner, and this is the Co-parenting with Confidence Podcast, Episode Number 45, A Conversation on Healthy Communication with Jaime Morgan. [music] Mikki: Welcome to Co-parenting with Confidence, a podcast for those courageous moms out there who wanna move past the conflict and frustration of divorce and show up as the mom they truly wanna be. My name's Mikki Gardner, I'm a certified life and conscious parenting coach with my own personal dose of co-parenting experience. Throughout my co-parenting journey, I have learned to become confident in who I am as a woman and a mother, and I'm here to help you do the same. If you're ready to learn what it takes to become a great co-parent and an amazing example to your children, well, get ready and let's dive into today's episode. Mikki: So do you ever get tripped up in your communication, you feel like you go in wanting to say one thing, being ready with the conversation, being ready with all the things that you wanna say and how you wanna be heard, but then it all goes a totally different direction? Well, you're not alone. And when we're co-parenting, this happens more often than we think and that's what we're gonna talk about today. Mikki: I am so excited that you're here with me today. Thank you for being here. I know there's a gazillion and three things you could be doing and so many amazing podcasts that you could be listening to, but the fact that you're here with me, I'm really grateful, and I wanna say thank you. And if you're new here, welcome. I hope that you love and get a lot of value from these conversations. This podcast is intended to bring you new perspectives, encouragement, and a whole lot of love. Why? So that it will serve you, give you ideas to help you navigate the changes and the transitions that you and your family are inevitably facing. There are so many extraordinary women and friends that I have, and I have conversations with them, and I just wish that I could share every single one of them. And today is no exception in that. Today I'm talking to Jaime Morgan, she's a certified life coach and a Gottman method trained relationship coach, she combines her academic and past personal experiences with a failed marriage to help women and couples thrive in their relationships and their lives again, even in co-parenting. And so without further ado, let's take a listen. Mikki: Hi, Jaime, and welcome to the podcast. I am so excited to have you here. Jaime: Hi, I'm so glad to be here. Thank you for having me. Mikki: Awesome. So I would love it if you sort of would... I gave your bio, but I would love for you to kinda give us just the high level what you wanna share, how you got here, your expertise with divorce, to how we got to this moment. Jaime: Where do you begin, right? Mikki: I know. Just that. Jaime: I feel so passionate about talking not only about divorce and co-parenting, but the life beyond that we can all have, and so the reason I'm so passionate about it is 'cause I've been there and I have felt that grief; I myself am a relationship and personal growth coach who is divorced and happily re-married to the love of my life, and I really do believe that that's possible for anybody because I've experienced it. So I just really wanna share the tools that I've learned along the way, not only they've learned, that I've used along the way, that I've shared with clients along the way that work and help us rise so that we can become the best, most whole versions of ourselves, not only through our divorce, but through any relationship we move on to, if we choose to, through anything that we choose moving forward, that we can show up as our best selves because of what we learned through the divorce and through the co-parenting, 'cause I think there really is so much to be learned about ourselves. Mikki: Yeah, I love that you said that, and I love that you're willing to sort of share that, all of this, because you know, I think in our culture, we hear a lot of the negatives; there's a lot of messaging around divorce tearing families down, tearing people down or the tendency to tear each other down. And I know for me it was the greatest gift I was ever given, didn't think that for a long time, but I think what you're sharing too is kind of that same thing as it's with intentionality, with sort of the discipline, it really can be a beautiful gift that turns your life into something you didn't imagine, and I love that you're an example of that and that we get to dive into it. So I think when thinking about this conversation with you, because so many people struggle with co-parenting, so many moms struggle, whether it's conflict, whether there is the other co-parent who doesn't want to co-parent, who doesn't wanna be engaged in a conversation. And I love that you really talk about healthy communication and conflict resolution, and so I was hoping that we could sort of really dive into that today and for you to help my audience just really start to understand what is healthy communication and how can it be applied to co-parenting. Jaime: Oh, I love that. And it's a choice. I think when we can choose to take that step back from the fights, from the conflict, from the anger, the resentment, and it doesn't mean that that's gonna go away. When we can look at it as putting our kids first, 'cause I think above all, most of us that's what we want. We want our children to be okay, we want our kids to survive, not just survive but thrive through all of this, and if I can show up and communicate and keep myself calm and listen and really... And that's a huge part of it, really is communicating. I think so much we see... We think communication and we think talk and speaking, and it's what we have to say, and that's partly true, but I think the most profound communicators on the planet are the ones that listen, and I think that, especially as co-parents, we're gonna have such a shift in how that other person responds to us, if we genuinely sit back and listen, like with our heart and our ears and everything so that we can hear what they're actually saying and ask for more information. Jaime: I think so often we go into conversations just dying to be understood and if we can shift that just slightly and make our intention to understand the other person, so to understand the person we're co-parenting with, that we're raising these beautiful humans with, if we can go into it and really wanna understand them better and let them feel that, their energy is gonna shift in that too. Mikki: Yeah, I love that, and I can hear someone sort of sitting there saying like, "Okay, it sounds lovely," right, "but what does that look like?" So can you describe that active listening as a communication tool? Jaime: Yeah, I think a lot of it comes down to having... I coach this a lot with people, even couples that are still together, whether it's co-parents or not, everybody that's in a relationship, it could be a co-worker, a child even, anyone that you're communicating with, to have certain phrases that you have in your back pocket, and it doesn't mean to make it insincere, it's to jog your memory, to be like, "Oh yeah, I wanna say that. Can you tell me more? Like I'm not understanding what you're saying right now, but I really do want to understand. Can you tell me more?" When we ask anybody for more information, they sense that we care, that we wanna know. Obviously our tone matters and things like that, so we have to be very conscious of how we show up as a co-parent and with our ex-partner to be able to drop sincerely and genuinely. But when we ask and just go, "I don't really understand, but I really want to. Can you tell me more about it?" Or there's different phrases you can come up with, but asking for more information, asking how they feel. Jaime: It's almost, I always describe it like an exhale, but you can almost see them relax 'cause sometimes they'll be shocked at first too, if this isn't normally how it goes, they'll kind of be like, "What?" [chuckle] Right? But it's an interesting and a beautiful thing that happens when two people can actually start... 'cause you start to let your guard down and then you'll find over time as you practice these things and you go into a conversation. So it's with this intention of being curious, I wanna understand that person better and I'm gonna go in, I'm gonna go in today, I'm gonna take a deep breath and be really grounded and I'm gonna make this conversation go well by getting really curious about how they feel and let go of my position. Right? And I think this is another huge thing, anybody, especially when you're going through a divorce and have gone through that messiness, there's stubbornness, there's things we don't wanna let go of, we're hanging on with a death grip to things because we've been hurt... We’re holding on to resentment. And that's natural, but when it comes to the greater good of our children, is it serving this process? Jaime: So you need to really like... It takes some deep soul searching to be able to get to this place, but if you're willing to do the work on yourself so that you can genuinely come to these conversations, loosen your grip a little bit on that stubbornness that you have on the past to be able to create a brighter future for your kids and get curious about how the other person feels. What are they wanting from this interaction? What do they need from this relationship that you guys are now gonna have? 'Cause you've gotta be able to work together. Mikki: Yeah, I love that you brought that up. And there's two ways I wanna go with this right now. So I'm sort of figuring out, but I think one of the things is, it's so important to do the work. The communication and the conversation that you kind of just laid out for us sounds amazing. And it requires a certain level of work to be able to even see the stubbornness, to be even... And so I'd love it if you could dive into that a little bit more of what that looks like, because to get there, it's a little bit down the road, but very first part, if you're just sort of considering like, maybe communication isn't working right now, what do I even think about doing? Jaime: I say this all the time. The first step for any relationship that you can take to make that relationship better is working on yourself. So in this new relationship that you two have as co-parents, the first step towards working on yourself is having a really... It's a hard, honest look at what it is you're feeling, it's got nothing to do with your partner anymore, this is you. And so a lot of that comes with letting go, right, and we were talking earlier about the resentment, the grief, the sadness, the pain, the anger... I felt it all. I'm sure you have... Mikki: Yes. Jaime: I'm sure all your listeners can... Probably all of those things all at the same time. Mikki: Many times a day. [chuckle] Jaime: Right? And that's the other thing, and it's not that you let go of it once and it just disappears. I think how I describe letting go and I just... I love the visual of that loosening your grip and to make that something that I feel like we can all kind of envision or just we don't have to totally let it go, but I can loosen it a bit. Maybe that's the first step, right, on whatever it might be, whatever that anger or whatever... I'm sure whoever is listening knows right now that one thing that I'm... There's gonna be one thing like, "Oh, maybe that's what it is that I'm just hanging on to that thing." Not gonna feel easy, but you've gotta be able to see the letting go as the result and not the action, 'cause I think that's like for so long I myself went through it when we're, "How do I let go? How? Just give me the steps and I will let go." That's when somebody else, another coach said to me, I don't think letting go is the actual action; it's the result. Jaime: And that's where everything [0:12:32.5] ____ clicked for me. But I came up with this step-by-step idea of acknowledging it, so figure out what it is, what do you need to let go of? Wanna loosen your grip on so that you can live fully. Once you have that figured out, you gotta be able to feel it, go have a cry, scream in the pillow, feel the feelings, and then surrender to it because it's the past, it's happened, we can't change it now. It's done. So living our life hating that thing, holding on so tightly to that thing that damaged us isn't serving us. Jaime: We can feel it and then surrender to it and loosen that grip as we exhale. Sort of like just surrender to it in whatever way feels healthy for you and just ground yourself in this knowing of what you want for your future. That's my next step, is getting very clear on what you want. What do you want your future to look like? Because believe it or not, this right now, this divorce, this co-parenting thing that you've gotta do, this is an opportunity, you get to decide again how you wanna live. So what is it gonna look like? What do you want? And it's sort of like to go through that of accepting, surrendering and just deciding what you want for yourself so you can start again with a big deep proud breath is the process. And what you find is the more you do that, so when you become aware of being stuck in that stubbornness, go through the process again, go through the process again, and the more you go through that letting go process, all of a sudden you realize you've let go, or you've let go or you've loosened your grip even 1% more than you were the day before. And to me, it's not this magic solution, but it helped me to go through this process of divorce and through all the things that go with it with such... To me, more grace... Jaime: And intention and being able to do it the way I wanna do it, because I really always came back to, what do I want from this? And how can I rise? How can my kids rise? What's gonna help them the most? And when I really focused on that rather than the anger, the resentment, the hatred, everything shifted. Mikki: Yeah, yeah, I think you come right to the point, which is always what is your why, what is the thing that keeps us moving forward because without that we're not grounded. I know for me, when I... At the very beginning, when I made the even decision to divorce, it was because I didn't want my son being raised thinking that that was a marriage, that that's how you love a woman, that that's how a woman shows up in her own life, that that's what a woman accepts, all of the things. And that became for me my why to be a better example and to be the example of something that I could be proud of for my son. So I think we all need that. And, you know, sometimes we get to borrow what we want for our kids and find our strength in that, find our courage to move forward for them if for no other reason until we can do it for ourselves. Jaime: It's so true, and I'm the same. My why is my boys and wanting them to not just get through this. I want them to really have the most fulfilling and healthy childhoods and lives moving forward where they're not growing up completely scarred by all of this, and I can honestly say that, yeah, we've divorced and yeah, there was a few ugly moments and it wasn't easy by any mean, but wow, I'm so proud of what my ex-husband and myself and my new husband have done to make this the most positive experience for my kids by us doing our own work. And it's been hard 'cause you know, this is messy. Mikki: It is messy. Jaime: And so it really shows all your vulnerabilities and everything comes straight to the surface, your insecurities, I guess is a better word, but it comes right to the surface. But to me, that's where the learning is, that's where the growth Is. Mikki: Absolutely, and I think that's that point that you were talking about, sort of being willing to really take an honest look and for us to be able to be good communicators and to resolve conflict, all of that starts by really having a good honest look at ourselves and how we're showing up. Jaime: And that's just it. And I think for your listeners, if they're sitting there thinking, "Okay, well, where do I start? How do I communicate?" Well, it's that combination, right, of do a little bit of work on yourself, looking inward, stepping into it, and then at the same time, what often happens, not always, but often, if you show up with your ex-partner and start communicating in a different way, just like using those things I said, start getting curious and asking for more information and showing genuine positive listening skills. It's really cool, 'cause oftentimes people will match that energy, it's not even conscious sometimes, but if we can show up a certain way, oftentimes people will step up to the plate for it. Mikki: Yeah, I totally... I couldn't agree more. I often talk to my audience about not looking, you know really, we can't change other people. We all know this, right? We wish we could, would be a different world, but we can't, so how do we become an influencer in our own lives? Because what you just described, when we do something different, things are different, right? And so if we want something different, we have to think and feel and act differently, and so how can we be that influence that we want, and just being willing to show up that way? So I love that you are a Gottman method-trained coach, 'cause I think I've talked about it on the website. I love his books, I love his research, it's all so good, but I would love for you to tell us about your signature communication and conflict, how to navigate that and what that looks like. Jaime: Yeah, I talk about the three C's and that's something I've coined. So it's... So all of what... All of my training was done on relationships through the Gottman Institute, and I love John and his wife Julie Gottman and all the work they've done, 'cause it's... As we were talking before the show, it's scientifically based. They have done decades and decades of research on couples that is just fascinating to me, and that to me just makes it all that much more... Just gives me that much more confidence in things I'm sharing with my clients. But I've developed a lot of my tools, so it's not that it's verbatim from there, but the three C's is me, it's communication, conflict skill... Conflict resolution, and connection. And so it's sort of learning like we were talking about with communication and just not only just how we communicate, but how often. And this comes down when we're co-parenting, so how that relates into working with an ex, we need to communicate and we need to start practicing, and how do we practice? We do it, and you screw up and you try again, but when you've got tools... Jaime: And that's how I coach, is I give my clients tools, so that you leave and you have these steps, you can take and take action, so you can show up and communicate in this new way, you can get curious, you can come into a conversation grounded and want to be able to hear more, to be able to hear more of what's happening in that inner world of your ex, and then to be able to, when the conflicts do arise, manage them different differently. And it's tricky, I'm not gonna lie, when you have an ex-partner and especially, it's hard in a relationship, let alone when it's a relationship with your ex. Sometimes you may not have a willing ex-partner that's wanting to show up to the table, but you can still do your part, you can learn how you can do your half of it, 'cause it is 50-50, and like I say, they may match that energy and just being owning your own stuff. Jaime: So when it comes down to the communication and the conflict, it's like being really acutely aware of criticism. Am I showing up and just hammering our partner with all the things that they're... An ex-partner, I should say it, with all the things they're doing wrong and criticizing? Is it always coming from a negative standpoint? Is there... Am I becoming defensive? And asking yourself again really honestly, what role am I playing in the problems that are happening? And I believe in all of this work, it really does take... It's hard, but pretty honest with yourself and checking your ego at the door and being willing to sit down by yourself and figure out what your... How are you showing up with your end of the problem? And how can you do it differently? And then if you do have an ex-partner that's willing to sit down and just even have a conversation once or twice about, "These are the things I think we could work on so that our communication goes better," but keeping it regular so that you're practicing... Jaime: You know, I don't know how every family does it, whether it's texting, phone calls, speaking on the phone in person or face-to-face, or emails or whatever it may be, but whatever works for you guys, just making sure that it actually indeed is working and that the lines of communication are all open, honest and effective. Mikki: Yeah, I love that. And there's always those people that can't even do any of the communication that you just mentioned, and maybe it's only through... They have the different divorce apps and sort of court-mandated kind of communication, it can still apply there. I think really, like you said, grounding beforehand and knowing how am I coming into this, because if we're coming in clean, so to speak, cleaning up our side of the road and then showing up for the greater good for all of us, we definitely communicate in a different way. So I'd love to hear... So you said conflict resolution, communication and connection, so I'd love for you to sort of either give a little bit more detail about that or maybe a tool that you'd be willing to share with my audience on each one of... Sort of how those three C's work together. Jaime: Absolutely. I think that communication, we've talked about that one at length, right, but just when it comes to co-parenting, just having that conversation with your ex, saying, "Can we keep the lines of communication open?" Even that alone, right there you're communicating, right? Can we make sure we have a really open... And whatever it might be, whether it's about the kids' school, if there's an area in particular that seems to be getting omitted or where there's a problem, hitting it directly, right? Talking about it. Can we keep the lines of communication open? Can we talk every Friday? If that's the way it has to be. Every situation is a little bit different, but sometimes you might have to make it really specific. But have a way to make sure that the lines of communication are open and that they're regular so that you're staying on top of things. And that's the same with any relationship. If you let the communication go a long time without talking, really talking, that's when there's an opportunity for things to fester, for resentment to build, and that's where the problems start, right? So keeping it going regularly. Jaime: The conflict resolution, one of the biggest things, and this is probably one of the tools that all of my clients that are in relationships, or not anymore, say is the most effective, is taking a break, it's being able to understand and becoming acutely aware of your heart rate. Right? So you're not letting things escalate, so if you are with an X, whether you or your ex-partner has a temper or there's just conflict that gets out of hand sometimes, to be able to talk about taking a break when things get too heightened so that you're not getting to a point where things are getting said that you aren't meaning, because any time our heart rate goes over 100 beats per minute, we are in our fight or flight response, and it's no longer effective communication, we're just going down a downward spiral. Jaime: So making sure that you guys can have, again, this open conversation about the fact that, "Look, if things are gonna get escalated, let's take a break and choose another time to talk about this." You can have a phrase that is really like a phrase that you come up with together that's something along the lines of, "This conversation is important to me, I will come back to it, but I need to take a break," and that's all it needs to be. And so that's not like one person leaving all of of a sudden, it's that, exactly what we said, the conversation matters to me, but right now I'm feeling heightened and we're not gonna get anywhere good, this is gonna go sideways. So it's become a really crucial tool for a lot of people that are struggling with lots of tempers, and I think that when it comes to divorce, depending on where you are, especially if it's fresh, it can be really relevant to have to deal with a lot of escalated feelings and emotions. And so making sure that we understand that if we're feeling our heart rates start to go up and we're starting to get into that, I call it the red zone, it's time to just say to each other very calmly, as much as you can, "I just need to take a break." Jaime: And whether that means you have a phone call in an hour or whether that means that you come back to it another day, just letting that person know that you will come back, that this conversation does matter to you, but I need to manage my heart rate. They call it... Gottman calls it self-soothing, so it's to make sure that you are soothing your heart rate, bringing yourself down to a calm state, because when you are calm, blood is going to your brain and we can... Essentially, the short version is, we can think straight, right, we say what it we mean. And then as far as connection, I just really think, yes, we are... We have a new relationship now, it's not the same kind of connection as when we were once married and when we shared a family, but you can still have connection with your partner that is a healthy connection. When it comes to sake of the kids, you are these kids' parents. So how can we stay connected in a healthy way to make sure that these kids have the best opportunity to grow up happy and healthy moving forward, and that's something that you guys can talk about. But I think that for many people, it's just really consistently communicating. Jaime: You know, whether it be also being okay with showing up for ball games or soccer games or swim meets at the same time and being in each other's company for the sake of the children. Things like that, being able to put our ego and resentment and all that other stuff aside for the sake and the better of the kids, and so they can learn new ways to connect. You know what I mean? Mikki: Yeah, I think... And you bring up a very important point that it's, you're in a relationship with them, whether you want to or not, the kids, you will forever be in a relationship, and so I think really allowing yourself, going back to what we were saying earlier, sort of allowing yourself to do the inner work, to grieve, to let go, right, to process all of the things that happened, and at the same time, you're building a new relationship and learning how to separate the person, right? He's no longer... If it's a he or whomever, no longer the person you were married to, but it is the father of your children, and so how do you separate those two individuals and then sort of create this new relationship. And I think it's part of the healing process. And I think oftentimes with divorce, we don't always think of it as really grieving the loss, and it is a death, it's a death of a life that you had and that you believed you would have, and so sort of allowing yourself that grieving is so important to be able to do this healthy communication. Jaime: Oh, agreed, then that's just, again, coming back to that letting go, when we can consistently acknowledge those feelings, 'cause I don't think... I think that's how we move through them is by feeling them, right? So when we come up and the resentment and the pain and all the grief is there, it's not meant to be pushed under a rug 'cause it's not gonna go away if we keep doing that. It's about feeling it for what it is, truly feeling those feelings of grief, acknowledging it, but then surrendering it, surrendering to that moment and then choosing to move forward, and I think that's where we can grow so much and allow ourselves like this, such a beautiful process of coming into this new part of ourselves that we didn't know we could get to. Mikki: Yeah, yeah. And I know oftentimes it feels like those emotions are so strong and so big, it feels like they might swallow you whole if you even walk towards them. So I think being in... Speaking of connection, being in connection with people during this, whether it's a friend, whether it's family, whether it's a coach, a therapist, anybody to sort of... A mentor of any kind, to be able to sort of walk this journey, because connection, we all are wired for it and need it, or especially when we're healing. Jaime: Oh, absolutely. And I just... To know that you're not alone. I mean, it's not that, it's not that I think, "Oh, everybody should get divorced," I don't think anybody... [chuckle] But the reality of it is, is that more than 50% of marriages end in divorce, so I talk to a lot of women who have gone through it and I said, You know, I've been there and I could give you a million other... You know, people that have too. You are not alone. There are so many of us, this is not, it's not your fault. We are all humans who make mistakes, and it's not just one person in a relationship, there's two of us, all of our stuff, but the beautiful thing is, is that so many of us have gotten through it, and not only just survived, but we've learned so much, like I feel like you feel the same way we've been talking about, but I've learned so much about myself, and it's actually led me towards so much confidence and growth, and I'm so proud that I was willing to face those hard, hard feelings and the fears. My greatest fears were handed to me, I was so afraid of being abandoned, and being alone and not wanted and all of those things. Jaime: And then it all happened, right? And so now I move forward and I'm like, okay, what used to be my biggest fear, I've now, I've handled it, I've done it, and I felt like I'm kind of invincible in a good way, in a healthy way, not a [0:32:18.5] ____ And I just think for everyone, if we choose to step into that and to look at this as an opportunity, and as much as it feels so hard, I can say this from my own perspective, it felt so hard for me to think of me ever being friends with my ex. I don't know that "friends" is the right word even, I just don't have another word for it, but... You know, I can now honestly say that I respect him. I think that he is a wonderful father to our children, and we have been able to, alongside with my husband now, create this really beautiful new relationship, this new family, and I think it's all just... It can happen for anyone, if you're willing to see it as an opportunity for growth on yourself and as... On the relationship. Mikki: Yeah, I couldn't agree more. My son and I went on a yearly mother-son adventure, and we went last week and something happened and he said, "You're gonna talk to dad about this, aren't you?" And I said, "Why do you say that?" And he goes, " 'Cause you tell him everything." And he said, he goes, "But that's what you guys are. You're like friends?" And it's like, as he's talking, he stopped and I said, "Yeah, yes, we are." Right, and he goes, "Well, what else are you?" And I said, "You know what? We're your parents. We love you so much and we're friends and yes, we talk about everything." I said, "So just you remember that. " You know, sort of joking and we had a laugh out of it. Mikki: But it really was important to me, and I think it sounds like you and I are very much aligned in this, that you get where you are, right, things happen the way they happen. And life hands you a deck of cards, maybe it's not what you... The hand you wanted to be dealt, but it's... At that point, you have a choice. And oftentimes we feel like we don't have any choices, but there's always a choice, and so I think... I love that you're a beautiful example of how am I going to make these choices, how am I gonna show up and communicate and reduce conflict, and connect and be an example for your children, be an example for your clients? Because it is possible and we always, always, always have a choice, and I think remembering that and choosing with intention, right, where do I wanna go and what's gonna get me one step closer to it? Jaime: Exactly. You said it perfectly. Mikki: I'm so excited that you were able to come on and talk with us, and I would keep you all day and keep talking, but I wanna be respectful of time of everyone's, but I would be remiss if I didn't ask you, because this is co-parenting with confidence, how do you define confidence? And how has it shown up in your life? Jaime: I love, I love the confidence I have built and I'm so proud. It's sort of what I just said, that I'm so proud of the person I've become, and I really do feel that so much of it came or was triggered maybe by the divorce to really, to go deeper than I've ever gone into my own personal growth, and to me, that confidence to me means it's authentic self-acceptance, so I think that... I don't think anybody truly loves every single thing about themselves. Mikki: No. Jaime: Maybe there's a few people out there. I think there's... I'm tired of beating myself up, I'm tired of living feeling less than because of things that I know in my heart don't matter. And so it's about learning how to look at myself and love who I am at that core, that authentic, that real core, who I am, not what I look like, or what I'm dressed like or what job I have, not the things about me, but who I am as a whole, and that person, I can say I authentic, I love her so much, and I accept all the other things. And I just, I think that's the other part about growth, is when you are committed to always learning through it like... 'Cause to me, I don't wanna think about the end of my days and think I'll ever stop learning. And like, I'll wake up one day, "I know everything I'm done." So when you have that, I can always learn to accept and love more about myself as it shows up day to day with more awareness right? Mikki: Oh, I love that answer. That's awesome. Well, where can people connect with you? Jaime: Oh, I would love it if people would follow me on my Facebook private Facebook group, The Abundant Life Facebook group, it's free, and it's just where I show up. I do a ton of guided meditations, they're all links they're for every level, two minutes to 45 minutes, you can scroll through and get it, and that's just a really huge part of, I call it tuning in to that self-knowing, but it also... It just ties into every aspect of all the coaching work, whether it's personal growth or relationship work that I do with my clients, and I also throw in tons of free coaching tools in there and stuff like that, so it's just a great [0:37:40.7] ____. Mikki: Awesome. Yeah. Okay, well, we'll put all the links in the show notes, of course, but I'm just so grateful that you came on and that you shared a little bit of your journey with us today, and thank you so much. Jaime: Thank you for having me. Mikki: I hope you enjoyed that conversation as much as I did. There were a lot of takeaways, and I just wanna point out a few of mine. One, communication is a choice, right? We have to choose to step back from the anger, the resentment, the blame, and decide to put our kids first, decide to show up with calm and listening. Communication isn't just talking, right, it's also about listening. And I love that Jaime pointed out that some of the most successful profound communicators are the ones who listen first, and as co-parents, we have to listen with our hearts, with our ears and our curiosity. Really, it's a shift in intention, from being heard to understanding, and when we shift that intention, we have to start with listening. It also requires us to loosen the grip on the past, that stubbornness, what you know to be true, and step into a process of learning and understanding, and part of how we do that process is always coming back to what you want versus what you don't want, finding that why, why you wanna keep showing up and trying. Communication starts by taking a good honest look at yourself. When you show up differently, others follow. Mikki: And the final takeaway that was so important, is plan to take a break. When you get overwhelmed, when you find your heart rate going up, when you find yourself flooded with emotion, plan to take a break, to say, "This is important. I will come back to this when we can speak in a respectful manner," right. Or, "I will come back to this when I feel like I'm able to have this conversation." Plan it and offer yourself that break. I hope that you enjoyed the show, and if you did, I would be so grateful if you would share it with others. I love hanging out on Instagram and Jaime's over there too, so if you share it, please tag us so that we can connect with you. Jaime's at The Jaime Morgan. Thank you so much for spending this time with me. I'll see you next week, and in the meantime, take really, really good care you, friend. [music] Mikki: Thanks for listening to Co-Parenting with Confidence. If you want more information or resources from this podcast, visit coparentingwithconfidence.com. I'll see you next week. [music]